Bummer of a post

Unfortunately, my weekend was so crappy that I feel like if I blog about it right now it will just sound like bitching and whining... So I won't.

Instead I will talk about the draft. No, I won't... I am so angry about my weekend and then about the follow up crap from work that I can't really post about anything right now. I am that pissed.

I changed the name of this post three times because I kept trying to come up with something, anything, about which I could blog and not be pissy... I failed. I am a failure. I hope to blog tomorrow about this weekend and what I learned about always being the positive person. I would also like to blog a little about work. And then I really want to blog about my class and how excited I am.

I also realized that I need to live up to the sports fan portion of my blog title. I really am a sports fan. But I am afraid to blog about it for fear that I will sound like a dumb ass. I love sports. I follow NFL, NBA, and college football and hoops. But I don't always feel like I know what the hell I am talking about so I avoid talking about it here. I am going to work on that.

I apologize this post sucked. I hope to be better tomorrow. Of course, I hoped to be better today when I felt so crappy yesterday, but then work happened. So, keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day. Talk to you soon.

ttfn

Leesburg Here We Come!!

I am very excited! We are about to leave to go to a bikefest at Leesburg. I decided before I left I would leave you with some memories of Bike Week 2007 so you could know what kind of fun we will be having while we are away!!


The Bobby Friss Band Rocking out at Dirty Harry's! I hope we get to see this band!

Ridin' the loop! I think we are going on a poker run on Saturday so that will be a fun long ride!

This is all the people on Main Street in Daytona... They say Leesburg is going to have between 100,000 and 250,000 so I hope their Main Street is big... I do not LOVE the crowds, so we will have to see about that many people in a place that might not be designed for a bike festival...

And who says bikers aren't friendly?? I love getting to see my husband as happy and relaxed as he gets at bike events. He is so happy when we are in his element!

Plus I LOVE all the time we get to spend together at these things!

So, here's to safe riding, good weather, and TONS of fun! I will tell you all about it when we get back!

ttfn

Catching up

OK, I am finally back at full speed. It feels really nice to be able to stand up without getting dizzy and to be able to stay awake for more than 20 minutes at a time. I really appreciate my health so much more after a little sickness... What a shock. So, let me catch you up.

Last time I blogged I was at a conference in Chicago, the Midwest Political Science Association Annual Conference. It went really well. I presented my paper and did an OK job. I think I presented my findings in a way that showed their real-world importance while at the same time demonstrated my ability to design a worth-while research project, so that was good. As soon as I got done presenting I high-tailed it to the airport to stand by for a flight to Mom and Dad's (rather than directly home).

My mom had been really sad when she saw me at the airport on my way to Chicago and this made me really sad so I wanted to go home and see my mom. So I did. It took getting bumped off 5 flights and flying through severe weather, but I got there. At one point during the flight, the pilot came over the PA and said that they had evacuated the control tower at the airport and they had no one to communicate with... That was a little scary. But I got home, and that was NICE!

I initially thought I would just spend the night at Mom and Dad's and then fly home on Sunday, so on Saturday I went to golf with my mom... In 30 degree weather. Let me tell you, that sucked. I loved getting to spend time with my mom and all, but it was too damn cold. I didn't have a thick coat or gloves or anything and it was just nasty cold. After riding around in the cart for 9 holes, I went back to the clubhouse and played sudoku.

So then Sunday I called the hubby and asked him if he minded if I stayed a little longer. He said he didn't mind, so I stayed. It was fabulous!! Sunday we didn't do much at all and that was just fine with me. We played cards and cooked and hung out. Those are so my favorite kind of days at home.

Mom and I drove to see my aunt and my sister on Monday. My aunt has been married for almost 25 years and is getting a divorce. And a boob job. This all seems very strange to me. No one in my family gets divorced. We just don't do that. Until now. That really scares me. My aunt and uncle were a kind of role model for me and G... My aunt is an accountant while her husband works construction. I am going to be a college professor and my husband manages a restaurant. While restaurant management and construction are not exactly the same thing, I still feel like there is a big difference in the kind of work I will do and the work my husband does. Sometimes I worry that will be a problem for us. My aunt always made more money, I assume I will eventually make more money. I kind of felt like if they could make it work with all their differences then we can make it work with all our differences. And I still know we can make it work because we have a great marriage, but their story still scares me and makes me sad.

So the whole trip to see my aunt and my sister was ALL ABOUT my aunt. I understand that she has crisis going on and what not, but it was kind of a crappy trip. We shopped (which I hate to do), and shopped at a foo-foo boutique place (which I REALLY hate to do)... We talked and talked and talked about my aunt. We didn't get to catch up and talk to each other at all. My big sister has stuff going on in her life too and I think she could have used the opportunity to talk about what she has going on, but NOOOO, we had to talk all about my aunt. This bugged me. Does it show??

We drove back from the trip and Mom and I talked and talked and that was great. We talked quite a bit about me having kids. Surprisingly, my mom is on board and ready whenever I am for me to have kids. You see, I have always thought no matter when I get pregnant my mom will see this as a bad thing, but I was wrong. She is excited and thinks I am ready. I am so afraid I won't be able to get pregnant. We talked all about this and I cried and cried. I am so afraid that my disease will keep me from being able to have a baby. I am terrified that if I wait until I done with school and settled into my career, it will be too late and my body won't be able to handle it. G wants us to wait a little while, but he doesn't get it that I have a finite amount of time during which my body will still be able to handle child bearing. He thinks we can do this just whenever... We can't.

So, here is what my plan is. I am going to spend all summer getting my body really healthy. I am going to lose weight. I am going to quit smoking. I am going to cut back on caffeine. I am going to get my diabetes under control. I am going to do all of this in an effort to demonstrate to G just how serious I am about this. He might come around. If he doesn't, what can it hurt for me to get healthy? I will just have my body healthy longer before I get pregnant, and that isn't at all a bad thing... I will keep you posted as to how all that is going...

So then I spent one more day with Mom and Dad and then I came home. I came home and got sick... I am not sure if the sickness was caused by the airplanes or the cold weather or the lack of sleep or what, but WOW what a cold/flu thing. I won't go into details other than that I had a fever and body aches. I have never before had body aches. Those suck.

Now I am all better and back in the swing of things. We are going to Leesburg this weekend for a bike fest, and that will be fun. We are going with our "friends" so we will see how that goes. I am going to try to do a Thursday Thirteen tomorrow. I hope I haven't lost the few readers I had gained with my little disappearing act!! If I lost you, please come back! I will try really hard to be consistent. My goal is still to post every Monday through Thursday. I am back in action now!!

ttfn

Update... getting better slowly

OK, I am slowly getting better. Today is the first day I have been on the computer since Thursday... BOO! Being diabetic, it takes me a little longer to heal than the average bear... I hope to be back at full speed tomorrow and then I will tell all of you all about my trip home, seeing my sister, my aunt's divorce drama, how much being sick sucks, and I think that will cover my first day's back post. I really miss my blog and reading the blogs to which I subscribe!! I can't wait to feel good enough to focus on something for longer than five minutes.

ttfn

I'm siiick...

OK, I am a slacker blogger and didn't blog while I was at my mom and dad's and now I think I have the flu. I am still going to try to do a thursday 13 later today... I just wanted to let you know, in case you were worried about me. I am ok, just fell off the blogging wagon for a few days. I will be back, I promise.

Friends or something like that...

In general, I feel so fortunate when I think about the friends that G and I have. We have some spectacular friends. Our friends generally go out of their way to be kind to us. Most of them. Most of the time.

But lately, G and I have been getting our feelings hurt by our friends, and I just don't know what to do about it.


G and I generally do most social things to which we are invited. Even when that means changing our plans that are usually cheaper and mean that we get to spend quality time together. We are usually somewhat amiable to do whatever the group wants to do. Our friends used to be that way, but lately not so much.

Just this weekend, while I was out of town, I talked to G while he was at our favorite bar, and I was shocked to find out that our friends had totally blown him off at the bar. He walked in, said hey, went to get his drink, socialized, the usual... The friends never made an attempt to spend time with him. I, being the overbearing wife that I am, even went so far as to ask the friends (via text) why they weren't talking to him, and they acted like, "oh, no big deal... We said hi as he walked in, but because he didn't run back to sit with us, we blew him off..." I am sure this hurt my feelings more than G's, but deep down it hurt his feelings too. And then there was the orange and blue game...


I posted a bulletin on the "gang's" page early last week asking about the game. Everybody was in except for one guy who had work to do... Then I went out of town, I assumed the plans would go ahead without me. But, on Friday night, the friends informed G that worker-guy had invited the other friends to go with him, leaving G in the cold for the game... Then when the others left in town for the game decided to go, they didn't call G and invite him until it was too late. He said he didn't want to meet them at the game and then play the game of trying to figure out where to meet up. That, again, hurt his feelings. He didn't say this out loud--as men don't really say things like that--but I knew he was hurt.

We have been going through things like this a lot lately. It has gotten to where if we don't do what "the cool kids" want to do, then they are ok with doing it without us. No compromise. It's their way or the highway. I just don't get that. We change our plans a lot to be with them, but they won't do that for us.


We have even found a new bar, closer to the house, cheaper prices, entertainment we like, but they aren't interested because this bar is beer only... Mind you, they drink beer occasionally but are usually liquor people. They complain about how much money they spend at our bar on those liquor drinks, so you would think that occasionally drinking beer and spending less money would be a good thing. I think if this had been their idea it would be ok...

Oh and the dinner thing... We all go out to eat a lot. We all need to save money. So when we invite worker boy to dinner, he often says he needs to save cash. But twice in the last month he has gone to dinner with another friend at a very expensive restaurant. When they invited us to this place, we said, no, we can't afford it. But they still go there... I even invited them over when I cooked, but they didn't want to come.


This really hurts my feelings and I don't know what to do about it other than just try not to let it bother me and appreciate the friends I have who don't hurt my feelings... But it still hurts my feelings.

Worker boy used to be our best friend. But, now that I think about it, he was our best friend when he needed us. He got his heart broken around new year's and for the first two months of the year we texted on a daily basis, went out for drinks at least three nights a week, rode bikes together every weekend, and really spent a lot of time together. Then, the one who broke his heart came back to him and now we are left in the cold.

I have tried to talk to him about it, but it hasn't seemed to work. The first few times I talked to him about it, he seemed to try to make an effort for a while. The last few times I talked to him about it, he hasn't really made an effort. I know I just need to give up. That is what G tells me to do.


It really hurts me feelings when all this goes on. It really hurts my feelings when they upset G. But it really makes me angry when they hurt G's feelings. He is the best friend a person could ever wish for! He is loyal and caring and would die for his friends. And these people are just throwing that away, and it makes me sad. And angry. I don't know what to do about it, so I am just writing to let out some of my frustrations. I hope I am just overreacting and that soon everything will be back to normal. But I am also afraid that they are going to piss G off to the point that he won't want everything to go back to normal...

I don't know... I am just going to end this by saying thank you. Thank you to the real friends that I have. Thank you to the people who don't care where we go or what we want to do, they just want to spend time with us. Thank you to the friends who need us. Thank you to the friends who accept us for who we are--geeky or fun or cool or none of the above. They just love us for us.


ttfn

oh and p.s. I wrote this for my myspace blog so I didn't even get into what my "friends" in the blog world mean to me. I really didn't even realize what a role this whole blogging thing would mean for me. I can't begin to describe what joy this brings to me. I love when I open up my gmail and see that I have comments on my blog. I love it that I feel like I really know people out in the blogsphere--even though I don't know the first names of most of them. I love it that I get to laugh out loud when I really need to laugh. This outlet for me has come to be a lot more than an exercise in writing... It really hit me while I was home with my parents this weekend just how big of a part in my life this blog really is. My parents have heard more about the blogs I read and their stories than about any of the "friends" I wrote about in the above post. Thank you my bloggy friends. You guys really mean a lot to me. I realize now that yall help me feel like I am not alone. The people who send me comments help me remember that I am likable and worth something. I really appreciate that more than I can express.

ttfn for real this time

Thursday Thirteen

Today's (late) Thursday Thirteen is all about the conference I am attending and my experiences as I travel(ed) to the conference... Enjoy!

Thirteen Things about ffbgirl 1…. As I am headed to my 3rd midwest political science conference, I am still nervous about presenting my research. I am presenting a paper about the ways in which the political party committees talk about women vs. men in their news releases. It really was an interesting paper, if I do say so myself, but it isn’t really a “political science” paper. It has no models. It doesn’t use NES data. It is a content analysis (blasphemy to some political scientists), but it is a QUANTITATIVE (say it with me people, quant-ih-tate-ive) content analysis. This is not qualitative research, so the political scientists shouldn’t really give me crap about this. 2. I am headed to Chicago, BY MY SELF! I don’t really even like going to the bathroom alone, so a trip to another time zone all by my lonesome is not really at the top of my “favorite-things-to-do list.” I will be there less than 24 hours and will go directly from the airport to the cab, to my hotel, to my room, to my panel presentation, back to the cab, back to the hotel, home. I know I can do this. I know it will be fine. But it is still a little scary to me. 3. It is going to be colder than a witch’s titty when I get there! That just plain sucks. As I drove the 2 hours to the airport today, I sweat my ass off in my husband’s car with no A/C… I wore a long-sleeve t-shirt on the plane and carried my sweatshirt on as I knew it was going to be cooooollllddd when I arrived in Chicago… I didn’t bring a heavy coat because I don’t plan on being outside any longer than it takes to smoke a cigarette or hail a cab. I know that is a dumb plan, but I wanted to be able to carry my luggage on and there just wasn’t room for by big coat. 4. It seems like my panel is going to be REALLY great! The women presenting at it are all even getting together tonight for dinner and drinks. Damn, the first panel I am on in which the people are actually friendly and trying to be collegial and my travel plans prevent me from getting to make new academic friends. I e-mailed the chair and expressed my sadness at not being able to join in the fun, so I hope they don’t think I am just being frigid and not going to be rude or something. 5. This one relates to the above “blurbs,” but I will literally be in Chicago for less than 24 hours. The conference is always at this really fancy expensive hotel, and because I am a fraidy cat I won’t stay at an off-site hotel, I try to only be at the conference the required amount of time to present my own paper and get the heck outta’ dodge. Well, seeing as I present at a panel at 8 a.m. on Friday, I am flying in Thursday night and don’t get in until midnight and then I am checking out and getting back home. I would really like to stay and do the whole go to other peoples’ panels and learn something thing, but I just don’t have the money to stay any longer than I have to. It is just that simple. So I hope this doesn’t make me a bad academic. 6. I realized I need to say more about how GREAT our panel is going to be… The chair was even cool enough to give us a general guide to presenting our papers. She doesn’t want the usual “here is why I studied this, here were my research questions/hypotheses, here was my method, here was my findings, this is what matters about my paper, and what questions do you have.” Instead, she actually took the time to read the panel papers and then come up with some general themes that we can all address. This was both good and bad for me. Like I said, my paper is not the normal poly-sci paper, so I didn’t totally have an answer for all 10 of the questions she wanted us to address (I didn’t even know what some of the questions meant, I hope I will figure that out during the panel)… But I took her guidelines and fit them to my paper (or fit my paper to her guidelines) and I think I have a pretty good talk planned. I did do the newby thing and write it out, but I won’t read it tomorrow. I am going to practice it a couple of times so the written plan will just be there as a guide. I might even turn it into bullet points. 7. En route to the conference, I get to see my parents!!! Woo-hoo! I realized I have not seen them since Christmas, and for me that is a really long time. I have about an hour layover in the airport right by their house, so we get to hang out for a bit. They are going to pick me up outside of my gate and drive me over to my next terminal. This will be grand fun! Mom is going to make me a cocktail and have it waiting in the car. She is also bringing me a tank top I left at her house (to wear under my dress shirt) as well as a travel-size bottle of saline because I didn’t have one small enough to carry on and didn’t have time to buy one. She is also bringing a pair of scissors to cut the security tag out of my new jeans (see No. 8). So, I will get to grab a smoke or two, have a drink, have a snack, complete my packing job, and get to see Mom and Dad!! That will make for one hell of a layover. Plus, weather.com said there will be at least an hour delay in leaving DFW for Chicago, so if that happens, that will increase the amount of time we get to spend together! Yippee! 8. Scissors… I know, sounds strange. So I bought a new pair of Gap jeans a couple of weeks ago. You know how Gap jeans all have that little sewn-in security tag you are supposed to cut out once you get them home? Well… I forgot to cut that out. It turns out that little security thing has metal in it. That metal will set off the metal detector at the airport. Then the person that pats you down is generally confused by it (which I totally understand). So here is how it happened. I actually successfully packed in one roller-suitcase (I ALWAYS travel with a backpack and I usually check my real luggage, but for 24 hours I wanted to be simple)… I had my laptop in a cover thing at the top of the suitcase. I had my bathroom stuff in a baggy (all less than 3 oz.). I also had my insulin stuff in its own baggy. So I get my shoes off, get my sweatshirt in the bin, get my laptop out of its cover and into its own bin, get my baggies into the bin, and send all my crap to be x-rayed. Then I go to walk through the x-ray thing myself… Beeeep. Crap! I left my phone hooked to my pocket. I take that off, put it in a bucket, walk though again. Beeeep. Crap! I realize I left my headphones in my pocket. The guy looks at me and says, sorry you’ll have to be patted down now. The other guy says, well we don’t have a female right now, is that the only thing you’ve got? Thinking it really was the only thing I had left on me I said, yeah, that’s it. So, go back through, put headphones in bucket, walk though again. Beeeep. Holy Shit! So, now I AM getting patted down (not that I really mind because I am glad they are doing their jobs). I explain it is probably my insulin pump. The lady comes over, explains the process (will wand you first, then pat you down, will use the back of my hand for any sensitive areas), tells me to stand on the peanuts, starts wanding me. She gets to my left pocket and... Beep… No biggie here, I assume it is my pump. I pull my pump out of my pocket and show it to the lady. She then wands me again. Beeep at the left pocket. Damnit! Turns out I forgot I had change in my pocket. I take that out and apologize. Wanding continues. Beeep. OK, WTF???? Well, then it comes to me… That security tag in gap jeans. I explain this to the woman, even offer to disrobe partially to show it to her. She feels around for it, figures out it is there, seems satisfied. Except my pump still beeps… This is unusual, but I can’t even explain that one. So she wipes it to bomb test it, it passes, and finally, off I go… So, I called my mom and asked her to bring scissors when she comes to meet me so we can cut that sucker off. She did and I really did have to partially disrobe in front of the airport for her to cut the damn thing out… At least it made me laugh! 9. Eight was really long and should have counted as two… So, this is being written in parts. I got to see my mom and dad at the airport. That freaking rocked! But, you remember how when you were at summer camp they never let you actually call your mom and dad. I never really understood why until now (well I actually figured this out earlier than now, but this is another example of it). Seeing Mom and Dad only made me miss them more. My poor mother cried for a good deal of the time I was there. She really misses me. I really miss her. She is my best friend and it sucks that we live a zillion miles apart. But, Mom and Dad came and saw me for all of 15 minutes, brought me saline, matches, and scissors. Dad even packed my pack of smokes so I could quickly get one in before I had to go back inside. It was really nice of them to drive to the airport just to see me for that short of time. 10. I am hoping to stand by for an earlier flight home tomorrow, so tomorrow could wind up being seven hours in the airport. That very well might suck. 11. When I got to my fancy schmancy expensive hotel late tonight, I got one pleasant surprise… I got this huge nice fancy (even for this hotel) suite!!! It is amazingly huge. I haven’t even walked through all the rooms yet! This room is easily bigger than the entire downstairs of my townhouse! This freakin’ rocks. I am so bummed I will be in here a grand total of six hours. Oh well, I am going to enjoy it while I am here. 12. I ordered room service tonight. I do not usually do room service. I paid $30 for a quesadilla and a small diet coke. The quesadilla was good, but not that good. The diet coke is easily the best part… But, it was LATE when I got here (hence this Thursday 13 technically getting posted on Friday), and I was not about to venture out of the hotel in the freezing ass cold to get food of any kind. And by the time I got here, I realized I had eaten some fries, a chicken sandwich, and some chips, and that was it, all day. I needed something that resembled a real meal—the quesadillas were as close as I could get on the late night menu. So I enjoyed it and chalked it up as an educational expense. I will try to be cheap tomorrow. I also rode in a cab—BY MYSELF. I know that was the plan all along, but I am still proud of myself. I even texted G when I got in the cab and gave him the cab number in case something bad happened to me… I am such a baby. 13. Well, I hate to end on a sad note, but I am going to because I am looking for some answers here in the blogsphere… A young woman who works for G and also cleans our house went to the hospital this afternoon, 8-months pregnant, thinking she might be in labor. I got texts about it before I got on the plane. I sent her a text and said that I would be thinking about her. Before I got on the plane, another manager at G’s restaurant (who went to the hospital with her) called me and told me they had lost the baby’s heartbeat and that was all she knew. Before I heard any more, I had to get on the plane and turn off my phone. By the time I arrived at my first stop, I had gotten texts informing me she had lost the baby. Oh how my heart aches for her. We had already thrown her the baby shower. I had made promises to baby sit. She was really excited (of course). So I text back and fourth with G and the other manager to get as much info as I can. She had a c-section and her spirits are up—considering the situation. The mom-to-be even texted me to say thanks for thinking of her. I sent her a message that I love her (not only does she work for us, she is our friend and I care for this young woman) and that she would remain in my prayers. The girl’s mother and yet another manager at G’s store went to her house and cleared out all the baby stuff. I asked if anyone knew if they were having a burial and if they are I might ask my parents to chip in to defray costs—G said he will talk to the president of the company about helping with those costs (the parents to be are basically poor). But my question is this… What is the protocol here on helping the would-be mom? I just feel helpless and clueless. The only thing I know to do is to offer her my shoulder if she needs it. Is there something I should know to be doing? If anyone has advice on how I can help her or be there for her, please let me know. I just want to do anything I can. Right now I am just sending up my prayers for her… Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. Lara (the only one I actually regularly read, so please let me know if you have one too) 2. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

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ttfn

Why Hillary Why

Let me say this first, I support Hillary Clinton and her bid for the presidency. I respect her and think she would be a positive influence on our country. As an HRC supporter, I receive e-mails from the campaign--usually of the send-us-money-type, but also occasionally about actual policy issues.

That said, today I received an e-mail from the HRC campaign beseeching me to send an e-mail in support of the Rutgers' women's basketball team in reaction to Imus's bigoted comments about the team. While I agree that his comments were unacceptable, and I also agree that support should be shown to the Rutgers' women, I am not sure this was a battle Hillary really needed to take up. I am not absolutely sure about this, but this is my first gut reaction.

HRC needs support. We all know that--what presidential candidate doesn't need support... She was never going to get support from Imus, so pissing him off isn't really a huge deal. But was she jumping on the band wagon about this one? Is she picking her battle wisely? Was this a ploy to get support from the African American community? Was this the best avenue to start down that road? I am not saying I know the answers to these questions, but my gut reaction was why is HRC getting into this fray?

Maybe I have missed something and this is a bigger story than I realized... I am not discounting the gravity of this situation. I do see it as a good thing that HRC is using her notoriety to support these young women and activate against the ideas that Imus was sharing. I guess I am doubting her motives...

If anyone happens to read this and wants to give it a stab as to what the political strategy behind that e-mail was, please do... I am just not sure I get why she did it.

ttfn

Diabetic Counselling

I have been diabetic for 12+ years. I am type I, insulin dependent. I used to be a really good diabetic. I always had A1c's in the acceptable range. I rarely had episodes of high or low blood sugar. I was great.

Then I went to college. Then I stayed in college for 8 years. The diabetes management skill that used to be so easy became less so. I went on the insulin pump (a positive), but I also picked up habits like smoking and drinking (negatives). I gained weight (a lot of it). I drank and smoked. I learned the ease of eating out (which meant eating junk). My acceptable A1c levels went into the pooper. Did I mention that I started drinking and smoking? So now I am not such a great diabetic. And I know this. And I am not quite sure why I am ok with it.

I know the consequences of diabetes not kept in check. I don't want to go blind, need a kidney transplant, lose a toe, lose a finger, lose a leg, get diabetic neuropathy, or any other of a number of horrible long-term complications of this disease. You would think the threat of these horrible things would be enough to make me keep this disease in check.

But here's the thing... I feel fine. Right now. I know how to keep myself rolling along and, for some reason, I just am tired of always doing the diabetic right thing. I know I sound like a spoiled child, but I really am tired of this damn disease. At one of my doctor's visits in the last year, my doctor looked at me and said, "You have some very serious medical problems, whether you like to admit it or not." I don't like to admit it. It scares the crap out of me.

I am not a terrible diabetic. I guess. I drink diet coke (even with captain morgan). I don't generally eat sugary foods. I do eat TONS of carbs. And fat. And cholesterol. In general, I try to keep my blood sugar in acceptable ranges... I don't always succeed, but when I find out it is out of whack I take steps to correct it. I wish it were just that easy. I know I need to stay on a diet--not only because of my diabetes but also because of my high cholesterol. I know I MUST quit smoking. I know I need to lose weight. I know I need to exercise. Now there's another hot topic.

I have not ever really exercised. Ever. I am clumsy and overweight. I know this about myself. I am also lazy. I hate to exercise because I worry that anyone who witnesses me exercising will notice just how clumsy and overweight I am. I actually don't think I hate exercising, except for the embarrassment that goes along with it. I would like to find a place where I can feel comfortable exercising... I don't know...

So, basically, I am feeling pretty down on myself.

Where did all this come from, you ask. I got a call from the insurance company today. They wanted me to enroll in their diabetic counselling program. I initially said, thanks, but no thanks. I told the nice woman on the phone that I have been diabetic for a long time and that I am very busy and pretty much have all this under control. But then I asked her what she could tell me about the company's mail-order Rx program. She said the only way to get that program is to enroll in the counselling program. Yuck. But, I really want mail-order drugs so I said let's do it.

So then I was on the phone with this woman for the next 30 minutes, answering questions about my diabetes, my weight, my diet, my cholesterol, my feet... everything. So by the end of it, she had decided that we had set some goals. How did she get the right to set goals for me?? But, she had. And then she wanted me to rate to her on a scale of 1 to 10 my conviction for these goals and then my confidence to reach these goals.

Goal 1: Exercise More--conviction 3, confidence 2; explained that I am busy and just don't have time for that right now. I didn't think I needed to explain the embarrassment aspect.

Goal 2: Lose weight--conviction 5 or 6, confidence 5 or 6; told her that my main goal is to not gain weight right now. I think I will go into weight loss mode again this summer when I keep a set schedule and get back on Addipex.

Goal 3: Keep blood sugar in acceptable ranges--conviction 8 or 9, confidence 8 or 9; told her I have that part pretty much down pat. I really do. But I think I need to test my blood sugar more. I think I will try to report in my blog more frequently about my blood sugar levels. Maybe that outside motivation will do me good.

So, that was about it... I am cooking dinner tonight now (rather than eating McDonalds). I am making roast chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and brown gravy. The roast chicken I am making with Pam and Emeril's Poultry Seasoning. The mashed potatoes will be made with margarine and 1/2% milk so not as bad as they could be. The green beans will be simple and not made with bacon--again not bad. The gravy I won't be making, but I think I will try to avoid eating it too. The rolls will be simple, but high in carbs and with margarine, but I will have to have just one. Overall, though, I think this meal is still going to be better for me than a big mac.

ttfn

Vote for Life: The Ongoing Education

OK, I nominated my "blog-friend" for a Blogger's Choice Awards for the "Blogitzer" Award--an award for the blog with the best writing, kind of like a Pulitzer for Blog's.

This blogger rocks my socks off. I have blogged about her a lot. I cannot entirely describe what it is, but her blog just blows my mind. She is the reason I started blogging. Her blog really showed me the power of blogging. In short, I just think she and her blog are amazing!! I really think she deserves to win. Whether she is blogging about the good, the bad, or the ugly, her blog is always very well written. She deserves the award. Go vote for her. Go right now.

The only bad part about this is that I think she might be one of only like 5 people who even read my blog, but if you happen to stumble upon this post, please go vote for Life: The Ongoing Education.

ttfn

Sammie the wonder dog

I realized I have not written about my lovely little dog yet. A while back I showed a picture of a dog I was thinking about adopting, but we didn't get that dog. Instead we got our fabulous Sammie.

He is a super wonder mutt and I just love him to pieces. We got him in December, and I think he has really grown to love us. We sure have grown to love him. He has put on a bit of weight since this pic was taken (this was when we were bringing him home for the first time).

He loves to snuggle his way under the covers and get as close to you as possible. In the picture below, he had crawled under the pillow inside the pillow case... I had gone upstairs to get ready and when I came down he was missing. This frequently happens, and I usually find him under the comforter I keep on the couch. When I picked up the blankets and didn't find him, I was a little puzzled. I went to move the pillow, but it was heavy... And I found him!

He really is the sweetest thing, He loves to climb in my lap and lick all over my face (which really grosses me out, but I can't usually stop him). He has a little bit of an attitude in that he chooses when to be obedient. We also suspect he was the victim of dog-violence. We think his first owners beat him and then let him run away... He was a stray in Miami and we also think he got hit by a car because he has some damage to his rear left leg. He sometimes hops on three legs, but I think he does that more for attention than anything else.

He is a fabulous dog and I am devoting today's blog to him because I love him and because I have put him through vet hell lately. I took him in on Friday to get boosters. We also found out from the vet that he is probably 5 or 6 years old, but the lady from whom we adopted him told us he was 3... Oh well, not like his age really matters, it was just strange that she would be wrong on that... Then today I took him back to the vet for a teeth cleaning. Wow I am sure he hated that! He couldn't have food after 8 p.m. last night, then I had to wake him up at 7 a.m. to take him in. I left the poor pooch there all day to be tortured (in his mind)...

So I picked him back up and have him snuggled next to me on the couch. He can stay that way all night!

We love you Sammie Dog!

ttfn

Thursday Thirteen

OK, I know it is not Thursday. But I wanted to get started on this so I am posting this one a few days late. Will this get me kicked out of the Thursday Thirteen club?

Please read below all about some of my firsts... I don't know if each Thursday 13 is supposed to have a theme, but this one does...

Thirteen Things about ffbgirl1…. I went to a firing range and shot a gun for the first time today. I really enjoyed it. A lot! 2. I took my first motorcycle riding lesson about two weeks ago. I did not drop the bike or even come close! I eventually even put my feet on the pegs! I tried to get into second gear, but neutral got in the way (damn green light!). I hope to be able to ride around the block by Leesburg. 3. I am going to Chicago this week to present a paper I wrote about political parties and the way they discuss women candidates and leaders in the parties’ news releases. I hope the paper is well received! Oh, and this is the first time I will be going to a conference REALLY ALONE—all the other ones at which I have presented I have had someone I know there. Yikes! 4. I got my second ear hole pierced last week. This is not technically a first, but a first in a long time seeing as I think I was 8 the last time I tried to pierce the second holes! 5. I purchased a bed for the first time ever this week. It is a king-size plush super pillow top and we are going to LOVE it! I was shocked to find out how much king-size sheets cost. 6. I put a blog roll on my blog this week. That was an accomplishment in and of itself. I thought I was going to have to e-mail someone who already had one and ask them how they got that. Luckily, I didn’t—I would have been VERY embarrassed to find out how easy it was. 7. Okay, the rest of these won’t be recent firsts because I just haven’t done any more new things lately… I took my first insulin shot at 13—February of 1995 (yeah, do the math). I have been insulin dependent the entire time I have been diabetic and have always administered my own meds. 8. My first car was a 1994 Ford Escort and my friends said it was pink, but I said it was magenta! It was a two-door five speed. I drove the hell out of that thing. I am still a terrible driver (see next first). 9. My first really bad wreck was Labor Day ’06. It was a hit and run in which the other car hit my driver’s side rear quarter panel (I was pulling out of my apartment complex to turn left, they were in the lane closest to me—would have been behind me if I had turned right). My car spun around 180 degrees. I thought it wasn’t that bad. I reversed to get out of the road, made sure I was OK, then drove back across the road into my complex. No one stopped to render aid. Luckily I was OK, but it has always bothered me that the other driver drove off and no one stopped. It was all so crazy that I couldn’t even tell the cops what the other car looked like other than white and four door… Maybe had someone stopped they could have helped me out there. So, then I called the hubbie and jim (my own personal first responder). They showed up just before the cops. Someone did call 911 for me, at least. I wouldn’t go in the ambulance because I thought I was OK… I was WRONG! Within the hour, I could barely move my neck and my back felt like it was moving not under my direction… So I went in the next day to find out I had whiplash and a sprained lumbar. They sent me to a chiropractor and I have been seeing the chiropractor since then. We have since discovered that, as a result of the wreck, I have a protruding disc at L4-L5. I will probably have back problems for the rest of my life. That pisses me off. 10. I don’t remember my first kiss. Isn’t that sad? I keep going back and fourth in my memory between the only two boys I kissed in all of junior high and can’t remember which one happened first. I think it was the boy from church, but then I really think it was the alterna-boy who really had a crush on my best friend. 11. My first job was at the local dry cleaners. My sister had worked there as her first job, too. They were the only people we knew willing to hire a 15-year-old. I took in clothes, tagged them, brought people their clean clothes… All in all it was pretty easy. 12. My first apartment was in the ghetto. Not just ghetto… GHETTO! I went to a small private school where most of the students were living off Mommy and Daddy. My mommy and daddy also supported me but did so with more limits than most people at my school… So I lived farther away from campus (thus avoiding $1,000/month rent) and lived in the ghetto. But I made the best of that place. Virtually everything in that apartment was given to me. My mom’s work friend gave me a couch, coffee table, side table, and vacuum. My sister gave me all sorts of kitchen stuff—including a kitchen table. My grandma gave me a bed, someone gave me a washer and dryer… Literally, I bought NOTHING to furnish that apartment. It rocked. I still have a lot of those freebies. I am sitting on the world’s greatest free couch as I type (I think it might not make the next move and that makes me sad). 13. This is my first Thursday Thirteen Post. Please tell me what you think. Am I getting the idea of them right? Please let me know. Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. Lara (the only one I actually regularly read, so please let me know if you have one too) 2. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
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Blog Roll

Check it out!!! I figured out how to list the blogs to which I subscribe!!! These blogs are fabulous! I stumbled onto most of them through the blog rolls of others. If you read me and you have a blog and you aren't on my list, leave a comment and I will read you too!! Sounds like a plan to me!

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Friends, not the sitcom

So I am a 25-year-old who still so badly wants to be liked by the cool kids. Really badly. And, had you asked me three weeks ago, I would have said the cool kids did like me and had let me in their clique. Yes, my friends have a clique. OK, I will be honest, we have a motorcycle "gang" or club... We ride together, do things together, generally like one another, look out for each other, have fun together. We used to all be a really close-knit group. And I really felt like a part of it. Often I felt like the leader of it. There are quite a few of us. Let me give you the roll call list:




Me (bike name clutch because I am still scared riding on a motorcycle so I clutch the driver, sometimes too tightly)

picture taken at BikeWeek where I found the trike I want... I don't think I will ever actually drive a bike, but I can dream...








G, my husband. He drives a victory kingpin. He loves his motorcycle almost as much as he loves his wife. (bike name the hand because he often uses his hand to make fun of the many women in his life who yammer on and on--think open and close hand as motion to "yeah yeah yeah...")

night one of bikeweek... isn't he handsome?

















*Jim, a deputy sheriff in town, drives a harley davidson soft tail, probably the real leader of the gang. (bike name EZ because he is so easy going)


in the midst of upside down margaritas at bikeweek...








*Amanda, a civil engineer, recently began driving her own victory custom cruiser, used to ride on back of Jim's bike when they were being friendly. (bike name ST Junk because of a long story that relates to how uncomfortable the bitch seat on Jim's bike is)

me and amanda at Gilly's at bikeweek.







Christina, an RN, rides bitch for Jim, great fun girl! (bike name Gigglez because she giggles all the time)



ez and gigz laughing it up at bikeweek.

*Scott, a contractor, drives a hd fat boy, used to be a cop, used to be a marine, likes cheap-looking women, generally fun. (bike name TumBull because when he drinks too much he needs lots of Tums and he really likes Red Bull...)

scott and I riding at biketoberfest

Omar, another deputy sheriff in town, drives an hd vrod, not a core member of group, very much a clumsy rider. (bike name bent because he wrecks too much)

the result of an upside down margarita accident

*Al, a realtor and transportation supervisor, drives an hd heritage softtail, great fun guy, always good for a laugh, great point man (which means he usually rides in the front and leads on rides). (bike name still being determined... could be keys bc he dropped his keys in the ocean at a bike rally, could be blue mints bc of a long story involving porta potties and jim beam)

Al lookin cool by his bike





*Denise, an office manager, rides bitch for Al, another fun chic, is a mom to a 20 year old, always trying to make al eat something weird. (bike name sparky because at her hotel at a bike rally she found a roach on the balcony and picked it up because she was shocked to find it)

Denise and al at Ponce Inslet during bikeweek

Nikki, a restaurant manager, rides a honda rebel 250, single mom to two girls, fiercely independent but traditional at heart, tons of fun, usually smiling and laughing but has a taste for the dramatic (especially with jerry), loves to be the center of attention. (bike name yet to be determined but she wants the princess or the blow off and I vote for call me because she doesn't ever say bye to a man she knows, she says call me and then blows them off)

Nikki and Jerry at bikeweek... don't they look good together?

Jerry, a UPS driver, doesn't have a bike yet--Nikki's rebel is actually Jerry's, but its a girl bike so he has pretty much given it to her, but when we all do ride, he rides that bike and Nik rides bitch, good ol' country boy, still in love with Nikki (did I mention they lived together up until recently), likes to talk politics with me. (bike name yet to be determined because due to his situation with nikki he is not a permanent member just yet and due to the fact that he doesn't have a bike...)

____________________________

So what do the stars mean? One star means is one of the cool kids. They don't actually know about this name. But they are the ones who seem to have the whole bike thing down. When Amanda was still riding bitch, she always made a point to say that she rode better than I did (or at least i felt like she did). Jim knows most about riding around here.

And let me tell you about their history...

Fourth of July, Jim rescues a girl friend of ours from her drunken self. Amanda saw this and this caused her to see Jim in a whole new light. Jim already had the hots for Amanda and so they started a little thing.

But, Jim is 44 and Amanda is 26... The age thing was an issue for her.

But the bigger thing to her (it seemed from my perspective) was that even though they had started a relationship, she was still looking for better things. She was honest with him about this. He was honest with her that he was ok with this. But he wasn't honest with himself that he wasn't ok with it... They went round and round for six months and all the while Jim is devoted to Amanda and she is less than devoted to him... She finds other men to pay attention to her and when they stop paying attention she goes back to Jim.

As Jim's friend, this sucks. As Amanda's friend, I would try to help her see how that was a bad way to be.

It all came to a head at New Year's Eve. Jim, Amanda, G and I go to a fancy (expensive) dinner. Jim pays for her. Then we go to our favorite bar. While they are no longer dating, they were there together.

Then, a random previous f-buddy of amanda's showed up. (a little history on that, after a one night stand the guy told her he moved to jacksonville... we don't think he did, he just wanted to use her and get away, but she let him) So amanda starts talking to the f-buddy. She comes to us (me, G, and jim) and says sorry, but I am going with him because I really want to do him (not her exact words, hers were more harsh)... And LEAVES with him. Sorry, but you dance with the one who brung ya!

Jim was crushed. Not that he expected anything from her that night other than to be his date for the night. Plain and simple. And she screwed that up. Luckily, though, (so I thought at the time) this made Jim see how wrong she had been doing him. So Jim told her they could no longer even be close friends for a while so he could get over the hurt and fall out of love with her.

So we didn't see Amanda for a good two months.

During those two months, I was Jim's best friend. We talked daily. He called me all the time. I reassured him that things would be OK. We hung out with him and the new girls he would bring around. We were ok to kick her out of the group because she had done him wrong.

But, of course, she showed back up... With her new (not new bc she had been with him while dating jim and he had treated her like poop) guy in tow. It started that Jim needed a date for the Daytona 500 and he couldn't take me bc that would be inappropriate.

Then, she rode to bikeweek with Jim, the new guy met her there and she left with the new guy... (don't even get me started on her and this guy during biketoberfest--when she and jim were still somewhat of a couple). Jim also had other women ride with him while she was there with the new guy. We all got along just fine. If he can forgive her wrong doing, so can I.

Then we get back from bikeweek. Amanda decides (after seeing jim with other women) that she really does want to be with him... (does it sound to anyone else that she doesn't really want him, she just doesn't want anyone else to have him) And so now things are all hot and heavy again.

And guess what? I am no longer Jim's best friend. he never calls me or G... He will only ride when it is convenient for her. If he doesn't come up with the big plan and she is so so about it then they aren't in.

This really hurts my feelings. If Jim calls and wants g and I to ride with him and we had other plans, we will usually rearrange them to ride with him. We are good friends to him. We care about him. he only cares about us when she isn't around. It pisses me off. I don't care if they have a relationship. I care if their relationship ruins my friendship with Jim.

And I have even talked to him about it. I told him that I am happy for them to be together but that he needs to make more of an effort to not exclude me from his life. To remember that I was there in the thin, and that I want to be there in the thick.

I also know I shouldn't care. If they don't want to hang out with me, then my hubbie says I should be able to say f-em. But it still hurts my feelings.

Yesterday, I send a text out asking the gang if they want to ride and go have dinner and drinks in the next town. I get a yes from G, Nikki, and Jerry. I get a maybe from Omar. I get no response from Al, Denise and Scott (I didn't invite Christina--oops). I get an e-mail from Amanda saying her phone is dead, but they are eating in but are down for riding and drinks. I get a text from jim saying that he is meeting amanda at 5 they were going to run around and then go to lils for a short time and no on dinner. I send back asking if he got amanda's e-mail, that she wanted to go riding but if he didn't then for them to have fun. This really hurt my feelings. I was already having a bad day.

So I decided to go have a drink after work. I didn't think anyone would be there (G was driving back from out of town work, nik and jer were at work). I drive to Lils to see three bikes parked there. Initially I drove off bc I didn't want them to think I had come there to eat with them. But then I decided I had had a bad day and wanted a drink and they weren't going to stop me.

Period.

So I walk in and see Jim and Amanda on the far side of the bar deep in conversation. I stay on the other side of the bar and order my drink, pay, and go sit outside by myself. And mind you, I hate being by myself. had they not been there I would have sat at the bar and talked to people. but i didn't want to talk to them and I didn't want them thinking I was there to hang with them. I have not heard from either one of them all day. I usually hear from one of them every day.

I mean, what was that all about. Am I not cool enough to have drinks with? It just sucks when they hurt my feelings. And they get hurt a lot. We all pick on each other, but they seem to pick on me more than the others (jim only does this when amanda is around)... I hate it that I so easily get my feelings hurt. It really makes me almost cry. Why am I only good enough to be friends with when there are no other options? Why am I just a back up friend? That sucks.

And I don't want to write them off because I know one of them (probably Jim) will need me when things go sour. And I just won't be the kind of person that won't be there for them. That is just spiteful. I don't know...

Sorry for such a long random down post... I just wanted to get that off my chest. I know I didn't cover all the angles of it. At least now you can know the cast of characters of who my friends are...

ttfn

The Soundtrack of my Life

I stumbled onto this game (or is it a meme??) and I wanted to play so here it is… I found it at http://jillbe.blogspot.com (but I have read/heard that others are playing too)

If your life was a film, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library. (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool.
7. When you're finished, tag some other people to do it!

Opening Credits: “The Long and Winding Road,” The Beatles
(I swear I didn't make that the first song or anything...)

Waking Up: Hanging by a Moment, Lifehouse
(Waking up I often feel like hanging something--usually me!)

First Day At School: Coming Up, Paul McCartney
(I don't actually recognize this song so I can't really comment)

Falling In Love: Paradise By the Dashboard Light, Meatloaf
(Another one with which I was not totally familiar so not a lot of commentary available)

Fight Song: You Belong in the Sun, Jo Dee Messina
(Damn, why are there all these songs on my computer that I don’t actually know?? I like the idea of this title being a fight song though. I am a firm believer that sunshine is good for one’s mental well being soooo…)

Breaking Up: Fields of Gold, Sting
(Yet another one about which I cannot comment. What a bummer!)

Prom: Can’t Stand Losing You, Sting
(And why does it go to the same artist twice? I admit, I have this album ripped for the two Sting/Police songs I know—Message in a Bottle and Every Breath You Take…)

Life: Train to Sanity, Stoney LaRue
(Ein't that the truth... Maybe life is one long train to sanity… And, for those of you who don’t know Stoney (and I am sure most of you don’t), go check him out. Good ol’ red dirt country music (red dirt country means it is a good mix of rock’n’roll, folk, country, blue grass, all the good stuff, created on the red dirt of Oklahoma)… You just might like him…)

Making babies: Bust’a’Move, Young MC
(how appropriate!!)

Mental Breakdown: Somebody’s Hero, Jamie O’Neal
(this one doesn't really fit other than that I am confident I will inherit the Logan Women tradition of going a little crazy around 40 and this song is about the phases in a woman's life)
Driving: Cool Thing, Rascal Flatts
(Don’t know this one either)

Flashback: If I Ever Get Back to Oklahoma, Jason Boland and the Stragglers
(Now that would be my most favorite flashback... Every time I hear that song I flashback to the days of Joe's, OSU, Garrett and Eric's apartment, Soprano's nights at Guys, avoiding the strip, all the fun that was life in Stillwater. Jason Boland and the Stragglers is another Red Dirt Band you should check out!!)

Getting back together: We Can Work it Out, The Beatles
(I swear on a stack of Bibles these were what came next on shuffle, I didn't cheat)

Wedding: I Feel Fine, The Beatles
(I certainly felt fine at my wedding!)

Birth of Child: Better Things to Do, Terri Clark
(Now that's just wrong. And kind of hits a nerve with me as lately I feel like whenever I talk about the eventual children I will have everyone has a smart alec comment about what a crappy pregnant lady I will be or how much being a mother will be so much harder than I think. You think I don't know it will be hard? So what! If my mom could do it, so can I. And there won't be better things to do than raise my children... Sorry to get on the soap box there for a minute!)

Final Battle: Know your Enemy, Rage Against the Machine
(Appropriate again)

Death Scene: Dirty White Boy, Foreigner
(Hmmmm… I am not sure how to react to that one…)

Funeral Song: I want to Hold Your Hand, The Beatles
(I think my media player is obsessed with the Beatles)

End Credits: Kerosene, Miranda Lambert
(Kind of funny ending song! I wish I had the gall she has to just soak in kerosene the episodes in my life that hurt me!!)

So go ahead and play the game! Leave me a comment with a link to your soundtrack so I can check it out! I look forward to hearing about them!

ttfn

Time Together

So recently a friend of mine and my husband's pointed out that we are too up each others' asses. I have, of course, been obsessing about this since then. It really is true. We spend virtually all of our free time together. I even hang out at his work when he is working and I am not. But, here is the flip side of that. When I stay home and he works, he calls and texts me endlessly. When I go out and he is at work, or he goes out and I am out of town, we text back and forth and gripe about how much more fun we would be having if the other one were there.

I all the time worry about doing something wrong as a wife. Like I have said before, I know this man loves me more than could be possible, and I try to love him as much, but I just worry. I want to make sure I always do everything the right way as a wife. I don't want to do things now that cause resentment and problems later. My husband is the kind of man who never has an opinion. If he does have an opinion about something, it really holds weight because he rarely voices one so I feel like when he does it must really be important to him (thus the not fighting too hard to go to midtown last night). I logically know he needs time away from me and I need time away from him. But we really don't like spending time apart. It is really that simple. I don't know. I just need to keep working on it and giving us alone time. (well alone for him, for me it will have to be away time because I hate being alone and try to avoid it at all costs)...

Another marital thing going on in my life. We have one of his assistant managers staying at our house this week. She is one of my very close friends and like a little sister to G. Her kids are on spring break and at their grandparents' houses and she lives in the ghetto and doesn't want to stay at her house by herself. So we said, hey, come stay with us. I really enjoy having the company, but I have one worry about it. How many stories have you heard of the house guest becoming the mistress??

I know this doesn't make sense. Especially because I really don't think G would ever have a mistress. I just worry. I said that before, right? This all comes down to my low self esteem. I logically know he loves me and only me. Emotionally I fear (and sometimes feel like I know) that I don't really deserve his love, like I am not worth the magnitude of love he feels. He will eventually figure that out. (this is the ugly voice in my head talking here) He will figure that out and then he will hook up with the very attractive, fun, smart, wild, sexy, daring, doesn't wear underwear calls herself bisexual flirts with my husband, woman staying in my house. Again, not logical, but I also feel like I have to be on my toes. I refuse to be that wife who this happens to and who is shocked by it. I really would be shocked, but at least I will be looking for it. I don't know.

I worry that anyone reading this will think that I have a bad marriage or something. But I don't. And I do know that much. I know we are still newly wed (just celebrated a year about two weeks ago), and that is where I worry. I think about couples with successful and unsuccessful marriages. I worry that those unsuccessful ones didn't know things were bad in the first year. Or the second year. Things are great now. I just want to do all I can to keep them great. I think successful couples do think about these things and do work on their marriages. I don't know.

Oh yeah, and what did I say yesterday? That Ohio State was Gator Bait? Again? Yeah baby! Go Gators!!

ttfn

It's Game Day Baby!

Okay, my goal is going to be to post SOMETHING Monday through Thursday... Fridays and the weekends I try to avoid my computer--therefore avoiding work... So, here we go.

It's Game Day Baby!!!! Go Gators!

The national championship vibe is back in Gainesville! That's right folks, the Gators are playing for a national title. Again. I know, we just did it for football. And it seems like we just did it for basketball. But, yes siree bob, we get to play in a national title game again.

Like how I said "we"? I am a Gator, therefore I am playing for a national title. Those five starters are starting for a team of Gators everywhere. I also claim ownership of what sports teams at Oklahoma State and Texas Christian universities do as well. (okay, random side note there).

So I am very excited and nervous about this game. We beat Ohio State pretty handily earlier in the season, but these are two different teams now. Ohio State has only lost once, that's right ONCE, since we beat them. We have lost more than a few games since then. But, we are a tournament, championship team, so I am going to try not to be worried.

And so if we win, the debate begins between the husband and I if we can go to MidTown and celebrate with all the kids. I want to go. He doesn't. He is right. And I know this. I know once we get down there I will be frigtened by the crowd, he will be annoyed by the crowd, he will have to protect me from the craziness, and we will leave almost as soon as we get down there. But I want to go! (really say that with a whine and it will sound about right)

I really want to go.

And then I will really want to leave.

But, none the less, I want to go. I want to see the pandemonium. I want to see toilet paper on street signs. I want to see happy Gator Fans running around aimlessly. I want to feel the push of the TONS of people walking down the middle of University Avenue. I want that little bit of panic when it gets too crowded. Because even though we have been there twice in a year to celebrate these national titles, I want to do it again. That is what you DO when your school wins a title. Period.

All of this might be irrelevant if we lose tonight. I really hope we win. I really really hope we win. I have prayed about it.

Is it bad to pray about sports? On Saturday, while driving to watch the game, I said out loud, "Okay God. We really need a good parking spot (we were running late and already missed tip off). And we really need a win. Okay? I will take a win over a parking spot, but we really need both! Thanks God!" I literally said this out loud with another person in the car with me (and this other person doesn't really pray so I am sure she thought I was crazy).

And another random question... as a Ph.D. student, am I not supposed to do things like go out on University and celebrate the national championship? When I am a professor, will I not be allowed (or supposed) to do things like that? I sure hope not. I am a BIG sports fan. Big One! And I love the comeraderie that comes with rooting for college sports. I hang out at a non-student bar to root for my team. I don't go to games drunk. I don't act silly. I am a fan. And I hope being an instructor (and someday professor) doesn't disclude me from the enjoyment of being a college sports fan. If anyone reading this has an opinion on the matter, I would really like to know what you think.

Oh yeah and: Ohio State is Gator Bait!!!

ttfn