I have been diabetic for 12+ years. I am type I, insulin dependent. I used to be a really good diabetic. I always had A1c's in the acceptable range. I rarely had episodes of high or low blood sugar. I was great.
Then I went to college. Then I stayed in college for 8 years. The diabetes management skill that used to be so easy became less so. I went on the insulin pump (a positive), but I also picked up habits like smoking and drinking (negatives). I gained weight (a lot of it). I drank and smoked. I learned the ease of eating out (which meant eating junk). My acceptable A1c levels went into the pooper. Did I mention that I started drinking and smoking? So now I am not such a great diabetic. And I know this. And I am not quite sure why I am ok with it.
I know the consequences of diabetes not kept in check. I don't want to go blind, need a kidney transplant, lose a toe, lose a finger, lose a leg, get diabetic neuropathy, or any other of a number of horrible long-term complications of this disease. You would think the threat of these horrible things would be enough to make me keep this disease in check.
But here's the thing... I feel fine. Right now. I know how to keep myself rolling along and, for some reason, I just am tired of always doing the diabetic right thing. I know I sound like a spoiled child, but I really am tired of this damn disease. At one of my doctor's visits in the last year, my doctor looked at me and said, "You have some very serious medical problems, whether you like to admit it or not." I don't like to admit it. It scares the crap out of me.
I am not a terrible diabetic. I guess. I drink diet coke (even with captain morgan). I don't generally eat sugary foods. I do eat TONS of carbs. And fat. And cholesterol. In general, I try to keep my blood sugar in acceptable ranges... I don't always succeed, but when I find out it is out of whack I take steps to correct it. I wish it were just that easy. I know I need to stay on a diet--not only because of my diabetes but also because of my high cholesterol. I know I MUST quit smoking. I know I need to lose weight. I know I need to exercise. Now there's another hot topic.
I have not ever really exercised. Ever. I am clumsy and overweight. I know this about myself. I am also lazy. I hate to exercise because I worry that anyone who witnesses me exercising will notice just how clumsy and overweight I am. I actually don't think I hate exercising, except for the embarrassment that goes along with it. I would like to find a place where I can feel comfortable exercising... I don't know...
So, basically, I am feeling pretty down on myself.
Where did all this come from, you ask. I got a call from the insurance company today. They wanted me to enroll in their diabetic counselling program. I initially said, thanks, but no thanks. I told the nice woman on the phone that I have been diabetic for a long time and that I am very busy and pretty much have all this under control. But then I asked her what she could tell me about the company's mail-order Rx program. She said the only way to get that program is to enroll in the counselling program. Yuck. But, I really want mail-order drugs so I said let's do it.
So then I was on the phone with this woman for the next 30 minutes, answering questions about my diabetes, my weight, my diet, my cholesterol, my feet... everything. So by the end of it, she had decided that we had set some goals. How did she get the right to set goals for me?? But, she had. And then she wanted me to rate to her on a scale of 1 to 10 my conviction for these goals and then my confidence to reach these goals.
Goal 1: Exercise More--conviction 3, confidence 2; explained that I am busy and just don't have time for that right now. I didn't think I needed to explain the embarrassment aspect.
Goal 2: Lose weight--conviction 5 or 6, confidence 5 or 6; told her that my main goal is to not gain weight right now. I think I will go into weight loss mode again this summer when I keep a set schedule and get back on Addipex.
Goal 3: Keep blood sugar in acceptable ranges--conviction 8 or 9, confidence 8 or 9; told her I have that part pretty much down pat. I really do. But I think I need to test my blood sugar more. I think I will try to report in my blog more frequently about my blood sugar levels. Maybe that outside motivation will do me good.
So, that was about it... I am cooking dinner tonight now (rather than eating McDonalds). I am making roast chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, rolls, and brown gravy. The roast chicken I am making with Pam and Emeril's Poultry Seasoning. The mashed potatoes will be made with margarine and 1/2% milk so not as bad as they could be. The green beans will be simple and not made with bacon--again not bad. The gravy I won't be making, but I think I will try to avoid eating it too. The rolls will be simple, but high in carbs and with margarine, but I will have to have just one. Overall, though, I think this meal is still going to be better for me than a big mac.
ttfn
3 comments:
go you for taking a step towards making positive changes in your life. :) i think that's great!
Hey! You left me a comment over at Quintessential Rambling, BTW Thanks!
First since I just read about your diabetes I'll throw in my two cents. Your description of going to college, getting lazy gaining weight drinking and smoking just made me think, sounds like a typical American. Then I realized this is the Net and maybe your not. Anyway I'm in a similar boat but without the diabetes. Which means I'm not nearly as motivated. Although my family does have a nasty history of heart problems. Namely every one of my grandfathers brothers have died from them and two uncles have had minor heart attacks. Oh and I don't smoke, which is weird because almost every one of my friends do.
But you asked about why I'm interested in journalism. I'm basicly at a point in my life where I need to do something. I'm in a very decent but dead end job, I make enough to pay the bills but barely. If you've been reading my blog then you know I'm a pathetic hopeless romantic thats never had a real girlfriend. So I'm looking at either finding a new job or going back to school. When you grow up and everyone says you can do anything, its great when your 25 and still feel like you Could do anything, but don't know what you want to do then its a pain. Having one boss constantly telling me I need to be in grad school when I don't even have a Bachelors is also a bit of an ego boost, but doesn't help pick a path. Anyway.
Journalism has appeal to me for the same reason many people want to, and for the same reason many people become disillusioned. You know the journalist thats digs up the dirt exposes whats really going on and gets sent to Gitmo for the effort. That would be cool, other than the jail/torture part.
I'm just very very unsure about everything right now so I'm thinking of any options that might appeal to me.
Thanks, and I hope the diet/exercise/diabetes works out for you.
Re-reading my own comment I realize that the first thing I need to do if I have any interest in journalism is to re-read what I write. I write how I think, which is extremely non-linear.
This multi-media communications sounds interesting. People keep telling me that I'm really good at talking to people which seems odd to me because I consider myself a little shy and severely lacking in confidence. But apparently my facade is convincing enough that people I've never met before feel comfortable around me. I also have a bit of a tendency to go on and on about nothing, which is why I put the word Rambling into my blog title. I was never a good writer in school, but I do enjoy it now. It would be quite Ironic if I end up on that path, english was always my weakest of the main courses at school.
Anyway I would be interested in hearing more about this degree/career if your willing to give me the time.
Again thank you.
If you prefer you can e-mail me at Timcoon3@gmail.com
BTW - my real name is Tim, Tim Coon.
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