So recently a friend of mine and my husband's pointed out that we are too up each others' asses. I have, of course, been obsessing about this since then. It really is true. We spend virtually all of our free time together. I even hang out at his work when he is working and I am not. But, here is the flip side of that. When I stay home and he works, he calls and texts me endlessly. When I go out and he is at work, or he goes out and I am out of town, we text back and forth and gripe about how much more fun we would be having if the other one were there.
I all the time worry about doing something wrong as a wife. Like I have said before, I know this man loves me more than could be possible, and I try to love him as much, but I just worry. I want to make sure I always do everything the right way as a wife. I don't want to do things now that cause resentment and problems later. My husband is the kind of man who never has an opinion. If he does have an opinion about something, it really holds weight because he rarely voices one so I feel like when he does it must really be important to him (thus the not fighting too hard to go to midtown last night). I logically know he needs time away from me and I need time away from him. But we really don't like spending time apart. It is really that simple. I don't know. I just need to keep working on it and giving us alone time. (well alone for him, for me it will have to be away time because I hate being alone and try to avoid it at all costs)...
Another marital thing going on in my life. We have one of his assistant managers staying at our house this week. She is one of my very close friends and like a little sister to G. Her kids are on spring break and at their grandparents' houses and she lives in the ghetto and doesn't want to stay at her house by herself. So we said, hey, come stay with us. I really enjoy having the company, but I have one worry about it. How many stories have you heard of the house guest becoming the mistress??
I know this doesn't make sense. Especially because I really don't think G would ever have a mistress. I just worry. I said that before, right? This all comes down to my low self esteem. I logically know he loves me and only me. Emotionally I fear (and sometimes feel like I know) that I don't really deserve his love, like I am not worth the magnitude of love he feels. He will eventually figure that out. (this is the ugly voice in my head talking here) He will figure that out and then he will hook up with the very attractive, fun, smart, wild, sexy, daring, doesn't wear underwear calls herself bisexual flirts with my husband, woman staying in my house. Again, not logical, but I also feel like I have to be on my toes. I refuse to be that wife who this happens to and who is shocked by it. I really would be shocked, but at least I will be looking for it. I don't know.
I worry that anyone reading this will think that I have a bad marriage or something. But I don't. And I do know that much. I know we are still newly wed (just celebrated a year about two weeks ago), and that is where I worry. I think about couples with successful and unsuccessful marriages. I worry that those unsuccessful ones didn't know things were bad in the first year. Or the second year. Things are great now. I just want to do all I can to keep them great. I think successful couples do think about these things and do work on their marriages. I don't know.
Oh yeah, and what did I say yesterday? That Ohio State was Gator Bait? Again? Yeah baby! Go Gators!!
ttfn
3 comments:
i'm not married, so you'll have to take everything i say with a grain of salt. i think it's good to check in with your marriage occasionally, but if you obsess about it and the state of it, you'll actually be influencing it with your worry. if you take a close look and things feel and seem good, then they are, and you should enjoy it, not stress out over when they might not be. it's good to be aware, but try not to become paranoid.
just my two cents. :)
I've been thinking about just this very thing for a while now. A lot of marriages have been crumbling around me lately - two in the past six months, even - and it brings up a lot of irrational fears.
I grew up in an emotionally abusive household, so I can SO relate to not feeling worthy of being so well loved. My parents' favorite thing to say to me was "when your friends figure out what you're REALLY like, you'll end up alone, which is what you deserve." For all the work I've done to extricate myself from that legacy, it still occasionally comes up to haunt me.
The hardest part of marriage is that unconditional trust. I have ALL my eggs in Mr. Chili's basket. My life would not exist without him. I strive - every day - to be worthy of that kind of love and trust, and he does the same. It's the only way a marriage can survive.
Don't stress about spending too much time together. If we had our way, Mr. Chili and I would be together nearly all the time. We LIKE each other, we are one another's best friends, and that's an integral part of what makes our marriage strong. You'll know when you need a break - don't let other people tell you how your marriage is supposed to work.
Thank you! This is what I was talking about in Lara's interview about getting feedback and support. I really appreciate it. I like to hear that we are "normal" in being best friends and spending lots of time together. I really appreciate that you took the time to share your wisdom! Thank you!
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