So far we know real moms find a way to make it work and teach the hard lessons. What else does this non-mom know about real moms?
Real moms like you when they don’t have to, when they probably shouldn’t, and when no one else will. While I know my grandma, my aunt, and my mom have all played this role for me, my sister has really been the one who will always embody this truth in my life.
Being my sister has not always been easy or fun, but it is a job I know my sister cherishes, and I am so thankful that she does. I cannot accurately convey just how amazing my sister is. She is the best person in my life. She is that person that everyone likes. She is that person who is there for a friend in need, whether it’s there to pick up the pieces or there to celebrate a victory, or even there to sit back with, she can always be counted on to be there.
She is my best friend. At times in my life when I just knew that no one else even wanted to see my face, she embraced me. As I write this, tears run down my face as I think of the love and friendship she has always given me. I cannot even begin to do her justice with the writing of this entry.
Oh where do I begin? Let me start with her selflessness. She really is the most selfless person I know. When her marriage and family were very young, times were tough. My grandma and grandpa welcomed Sally’s young family into their home and gave them opportunities that have allowed their family to flourish and grow. Although Sally doesn’t live with Grandma anymore, she still lives nearby (OK, let’s be honest, she lives next door now, but even when she didn’t live right next door, she never lived far away). They share a bond and a love that is so strong. I mentioned before the amazing relationship Grandma has with my neice, well this began when they all lived together. But Sally really takes care of Grandma. Sally knows Grandma and understands her in a way that I certainly don’t—and even in a way that, I think, only Sally and Grandma “get.” Just like in your family, moms and grandmas can seem a little odd or annoying… Sally is always the one who can figure out how we can all get along. Sally is the one who likes any one of us when no one else will.
She takes her liking of “the unlikable” to a professional level, in my mind. She and her husband have owned and operated a family game store for the last two years. By game store I don’t mean Xbox and Playstation, I mean board games, role playing games—of Dungeons and Dragons fame--, dice games, and all sorts of non-electronic games. This is where Sally’s ability to like anyone for who they are really shows. We all know the stereotypes of the kinds of people who play D&D… While some of those stereotypes are untrue, the idea that geeks and weirdos play these games is not always far off the mark. But these “geeks and weirdos” of all ages feel right at home in their store. Sally doesn’t treat these game enthusiasts any differently than she treats my so-called cool-kid friends.
They recently announced that they would be closing their store. While this was a big deal for their family, Sally was really burdened by the fact that this community of misfits would no longer have a healthy and welcoming place to gather. She really fretted about taking away this “clubhouse” of sorts for that group in her community. Now mind you, this store has demanded more time and energy than any one person (or two—her and her husband) should devote to anything, but they did it. And Sally did it with a welcoming smile.
I would spend time in her store and just be in awe of the way she interacts with her “customers.” I put that in quotes because Sally treated these people not as sources of revenue, but rather as her friends. She was a friend to people who probably only had precious few, and I am confident her friendship with these people was, and continues to be, genuine (possibly something she learned from my Grandma??).
It has been a running joke in my family that my sister is my “real” mother. Now that joke bears no reflection on the amazing mothering my mom did, but rather is a reflection on the way my sister loves me. She really does love me in a mother-like way. Her love for me is unconditional, and I know that. We are so lucky that our mom engendered in us this appreciation for our sister. I see in my mom and my aunt a lot of the relationship my sister and I have. They are still best friends, and I know Sally and I will spend our whole lives as best friends. Sally is almost six years older than me, and, I guess, when I came along she just took me on as her own.
I will never forget the days of grade school when in my grade we didn’t have cooties, we had abby-germs. I was like the common cold of the elementary school—nobody wanted me. I was so deeply sad and full of confusion about why I felt like I should just “go eat worms” (you know the song). Here was the confusion though… At home, I was a super star! They all loved me and liked me. Especially Sally. She played with me when none of the neighborhood kids would. She told me I was cool, that I had “fashion courage,” and that she liked me. It is amazing to me how deeply unhappy I was in one area of life—that out of the home, yet I was perfectly content inside the home. I really have my whole family to thank for that, but my sister saved me. I cannot really even explain just how important her acceptance and love was and continues to be to me.
I was filling out one of those “about me” e-mails the other day and it asked about a favorite childhood memory. At the time I couldn’t come up with one, but now I remember. I was probably in second grade, so that meant Sally was in eighth. They had some function at the junior high, a play or talent show, I think. Sally and all her cool friends were at the house and getting all dolled up for the event. To this day I don’t know exactly why, but Sally invited me to join them. She dressed me up in this awesome black skirt and white blouse. She fixed up my hair and maybe even put make up on me. She made me feel like the coolest kid in the world. So she and her friends took me with them to this super-cool junior high event. I don’t remember a thing about the play, but I remember knowing I was cool and that I was worth hanging out with. My sister said so.
And now we are all grown up (Okay, I am refuse to accept that I am all grown up, but she is for sure). She is an amazing mother to two fabulous kiddos. Her almost-9-year-old-daughter, Amy, is my mini-me. I attribute this to the influence Sally had on me growing up and how she has that same influence on Amy. Up to now I haven’t mentioned one important characteristic of my sister. It is one thing that makes her unlike me, my mom, or my aunt. Sally has an amazing amount of self confidence. She is doing a great job of passing that self confidence on to her daughter. Amy is bright and inquisitive, she is determined and disciplined, she is fun and outgoing, and she is bossy and sassy. She really is a mix of all the good (and some of the bad) things about all the women in our family.
Sally also has a 2-year-old son, Ethan. Unfortunately, I don’t know Ethan all that well yet (they live in Oklahoma, I live in Florida), but what I do know of him is that he is just an awesome little boy. And he is all boy! He is rambunctious and rowdy and all those boy things that scare the crap out of me. But he is also sweet and loving and kind, and loves his mama something fierce!
While I do aspire to be a mom, I am not really a kid person. Sally is hesitant to let me babysit for too long—I just don’t have the patience. But Christmas ’05, Amy got to spend the week at my mom and dad’s, and it just so happened to be the week I was spending there. We knew it would be a challenge. Amy and I are so alike that we often but heads. I did surprisingly well. And you wanna’ know the secret?
W.W.S.D.?
What Would Sally Do?
That is all I kept telling myself that week, and it got us all through without any major issues. Sally is really great about picking her battles with the kids. She is patient and kind and gentle. Those were all things I tried to be that week. Since then, the whole WWSD thing has kind of become my motto in life.
I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t at least like Sally. Most people adore her. So, I figured she had something figured out that I don’t. So, I really do try to be more like her every day. When we moved to Florida three years ago, I got a fresh start. I was somewhere where no one knew me. I could be whoever I wanted to be. So, I chose to be me—a nicer, dare I say kinder gentler, me. And WOW! It is so amazing to be a nice person. I am so thankful that I can model my behavior after my sister and see that people really respond to that. What’s even better is that now it isn’t really modeling. I am proud to say that I am not all that different from her when it comes to being friendly, positive, kind, and loving!
So real moms like you when they don’t have to. That’s an important one. I am hopeful that G and I will be able to have kids. While I will be so thankful even to have one, I so hope this old body will hold up to have two. I would be so sad for my child to not know the love and friendship that I share with my sister. That love and friendship is probably the most valuable thing in my world.
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