Real Mom Truths IV

And now for the crowning jewel of the series, real moms do it all.

My mom really has done it all for me. She is also my best friend. I know I can count on her to be honest when I need her to, but I also know she can usually hold her tongue if the situation calls for it. My mom is just amazing.

As I approach putting into words the real mom truth about my mom, I struggle to do her justice. I just know I can’t paint an accurate picture of what she means to me and how much she means to me and just how truly amazing she is. Words just won’t do, but I am going to give it a try.

My mom tells it that when I was little, we were pretty much inseparable. I think that is why I am so at ease in most social situations. Mom treated me like a little person. We were buds and still are.

Remember those yucky years of grade school? Mom was part of the reason I made it out of that ok. She told me the kids were mean to me because they were jealous that I was so smart and pretty. Little did she know that I was self-righteous enough as a little girl to tell the kids at school just that (I found out in high school that this only fueled their fire). She let me demonstrate my uniqueness in how I dressed and when kids were mean about it, she came up the concept of fashion courage.

She encouraged me to pursue wherever my interests took me. When I wanted to be a writer, she told me I could do that. When I wanted to be a lawyer, she told me I could do that. When I wanted to become a journalist, she told me I could do that, too. She taught me that I can be whatever I want to be, as long as I work hard. It is from her that I learned my ideals about equality. She always told me that as a woman I deserve the same rights and responsibilities as any man. She really taught me that I deserved anything for which I was willing to work.

She also ingrained in me my spirit of doing the right thing because it is the right thing. She taught me to be efficient—a lesson learned through putting away the dishes and being told not to touch things twice when I don’t need to. She taught me to work hard and play hard. She taught me to laugh every day. That is one lesson for which I am eternally grateful. My mom taught me a lot of this by setting a good example.

Part of that good example was the one she set of being a good wife. I know I am not the world’s greatest wife, yet. That yet is the key word there. I have heard stories that maybe my mom wasn’t the greatest wife in the world one or two years in, but she sure is now—and has been for most of my life. My mom has taught me a lot about being respectful of your husband, remembering that he is the head of the household, and treating him with as much love and compassion as you would like from him. My mom is fiercely loyal to my dad. She is his biggest asset. That is another lesson she has taught me, to be his biggest asset. Mom always talked about business functions she would attend and how as his wife, she had an important role to play. I try to remember that now.

My mom also taught me the importance of friendship in a marriage. Her dad taught her that if you have two close friends in this world to consider yourself lucky, but my mom showed me that she could always count on my dad for friendship. I think that is part of what makes our family work—friendship. We are all friends and so I feel like we don’t “need” so badly for others to accept us. I really try to make friendship a top priority in my marriage.

At our wedding, I played a special dedication to my mom, Somebody’s Hero. This great song starts out talking about a woman who may never have had a nine-to-five job but has been a waitress and a cook and a taxi driver. The song chronicles the love of a mother who picks up cheerios and kisses skinned knees. It celebrates how this mother is her little girl’s hero. Then the song goes on to talk about how this mother prepared her little girl to be a grown up and their interactions on her wedding day. This verse shows how the little-girl hero-worship has grown into a more mature understanding of the mom and how the mom remains her little girl’s hero. It ends with a verse about the daughter going every day to see her mother in the nursing home, brushing her hair and feeding her. It reverses the roles and eludes to the fact that now the daughter is the mom’s hero.

My mom is still this little girl’s hero.

I played that for my mom and I gave her the lyrics because that song really put into words a lot of my feelings for my mom. I am not sure that she totally got it that I really mean what that song is talking about. My mom really is my hero. As I grow older and I learn a little more about life, I value her even more. I appreciate where she has been and where we have been together. I am so thankful that she is my best friend. She plays such a huge role in my life.

We talk on the phone every day. She understands when I am moody, tired, or even suffering from PMS. I understand when she is moody, tired, or suffering from hormonal changes of menopause. She knows before any one else if something isn’t quite right in my world—often before I even figure it out. She is my biggest advocate and captain of my cheering squad! I know I can count on her for anything—even the little things I don’t always know I need.

If Amy is my mini-me, I am my mom’s mini-me. We are so alike it is scary. We are sensitive but won’t show it to just anybody, we are fun loving but fairly simple, and we are selfish in some ways but so giving in others. Our biggest difference is our roles as sisters. Mom is the big sister in their duo. She understands the ways that Sally protects me because that is what she does for Cheryl. She knows the pains Sally has endured in being the big sister.

My goal in everything I do is to make her proud. I have given her an opportunity or two to be less than proud of me, but she always finds a way to see the good in me. Making her (and my dad) proud is really my driving force to do anything that I have done thus far. The best part of accomplishing anything is knowing that they are proud of me for that accomplishment. I get just as much joy out of calling my mom and telling her I got a paper accepted to a conference as the joy I get out of opening the acceptance letter myself. I have to go far in life. I owe them that. I also know that I can go far in life because they have provided for me a solid foundation from which I can continue to grow and learn.

Oh and her mom abilities. That is what this is all about, right? If everything else hasn’t shown you what a spectacular real mom my mom is, let me tell you a little bit about the ways she has inspired me to be a good mom myself…

She made it seem really easy when I know it wasn’t. I talk about how I know I can be a mom because my mom did it. I really hope that doesn’t come out in a way that makes her look bad. She gave me the skills I need to be a mom, I just know it. She was such a fabulous mom that I think I will be able to handle it—okay, maybe not handle it, but that it won’t kill me. When I say I know I can do it because my mom did it, that doesn’t tell the whole story. I highly doubt I will be able to do it as well or with as much grace as my mom did it, but because of the excellent job she did, I have faith that I, too, can raise some pretty fabulous kids.

So this series was my salute to the real moms who have had a profound impact on who I am. You can probably see that these women have also had an impact on each other. I hope I make each of them proud with this blog (even though I don’t want them on my blog—this is anonymous). I know I have not done them justice with my salute, but this was my best effort.

So happy mother’s day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in the world, but especially to these four fabulous women.