OK, I have really been trying to post something for the last seven days, but I have failed. Yesterday, I was really thinking about why I suddenly didn't have anything to say. I know I have all kinds of things going on in my life, but I just seem blog-stipated so to speak.
Why?
Well, I think some of it is that I am scared to death. To be completely honest, this whole becoming a mom thing is really freaking me out. I know we were trying to get pregnant and all, but now I am just kind of freaking out. I really hope it is all the hormones or something...
Maybe if I write about some of these probably irrational fears, I will feel better. I know everyone is scared about becoming a mom, but I just feel really ill prepared and unqualified for the most important job in existence. I have never really had to do anything hard in life. This is going to be really really hard. I know that. I also know that knowing that will help. But I feel like I need more tools. I need to read more books, I need to take more classes, I need an internship or something!
I never babysat and I was the youngest child, so I am fairly clueless. I am mostly clueless about the newborn stage.
For example, I have no clue how to give a newborn baby a bath. And when do you give them a bath, is there a waiting period? Do you have to wait a certain number of days? Do the doctors tell you this? And do babies get baths every day like grown ups? I don't remember my sister giving her new babies a bath every single day, so what is the rotation?
And what about breastfeeding? I have read all about purple cracked nipples and how horrible it is and how much it hurts and how it isn't easy and how you don't get in a groove with it until several weeks into the deal... But, my sister has said it has always been fairly easy for her. I even asked her about the cracked and purple nipples and she said this didn't happen to her. So this bad stuff doesn't happen to everybody? Is there anything I can do to prevent it? I know this is going to sound horrible, but even still, breastfeeding really does just gross me out, so I am really counting on there being some maternal instinct take over after birth that allows me to share that bond with my child...
OK, so those are my two biggies I guess. I know I will figure out a lot of it. I do know that, but I am not used to being totally clueless and it is a feeling I don't enjoy. From what I hear, it is something I will have to get used to as a Mom. Is that true?
On to pregnancy questions... I am just plum wore out these days. Now mind you, I am generally a kind of pokey sleepy kind of person--not real high energy... But this is out of control. I think I could sleep 18 hours a day if not more. I wake up, go to work, work for a while, go home and take a nap, go back to work for a little while, go home, eat dinner, fall back asleep fairly easily. It is just crazy. And don't even ask about days when I don't work. I just snooze and drink water and diet 7up and occasionally snack and go back to snoozing or kickin' it on the couch.
This is so not working for my research agenda.
I HAVE to write my prospectus for my dissertation before July 10 or so. I also have to prepare for quals. My goal for the last two weeks has been to write my damn method section. Now I am really going to get in gear and get it written this week. If it kills me.
It really might kill me.
I am struggling on a few fronts. I have not totally decided which theoretical questions I will address and how many I can address with the experiments I already conducted. My most fabulous research partner and savior sent me a list of theories she thought might apply to the questions I used in my experiments. Now, I have to go through and decide what I do and don't want to use. I don't know how wide or narrow of a net to cast. My advisor (although I haven't gotten much advice) has said to reign it in, so I am trying to remember to do that. But, this is important to me, and I don't want to half-ass it. I feel like only addressing one or two theories might be half-assing it. I think I am going to have to work a little bit on the lit review before I complete the method section, and I DETEST (and that word really isn't strong enough) literature reviews. I know that is horrible, but it is true. I don't know...
And, my mom is totally on my ass now about getting this thing DONE and done quickly. She asks me every time I talk to her (which is at least once a day) how much I have written on my "paper." First, this is so much bigger than a paper that it is really annoying when she calls it just a paper. Second, I know she means well, but it is annoying. Third, now she has enlisted other family members to ask how much I have written on my "paper" every time they talk to me.
Can you say annoying???
On the flip side of that, my most awesome research partner and savior is actually helping to motivate me by asking me questions about it and reminding me that I am actually excited to conduct research. She so rocks my socks off. She needs to blog (she used to blog, but gave it up. I hope she returns--hint hint). So, hopefully I can post some form of updates here about what I am (or am not) getting accomplished.
So, now that I have gotten off my chest some of my irrational fears and my stressors, I hope to return to a somewhat regular posting schedule. Hopefully yall knew I hadn't dropped off the face of the planet because I was still commenting.
Speaking of commenting, I found a blogger whom I MUST recommend, she is just a freaking rock star. Go check out Mommy Off the Record. She is pretty darn cool!
OK, I hope to post again tomorrow. I have missed writing and I hope you guys have missed me too! Oh, and please add to your prayer list (or positive thinking list or whatever you do) that I continue to not throw up. Just ask once a day for me, please!! I am really hopeful I continue on this path of not throwing up because I really hate throwing up more than the normal person hates it. Plus, it could screw with my diabetes. I really need to NOT throw up, so just add that to your wish list for me, please and thank you!!
ttfn
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Showing posts with label school. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Teaching and other stuff
So an update is so long overdue. I know most of you understand that my head is swimming in about a thousand other directions, but after a week of having the knowledge that I am actually growing a real human being inside me, I think it is time to sit down and let you folks know how I have been...
So, first let me tell you a little bit about my teaching. (haha I know you want preggo details, but I will get to that)
I think students who take classes in the first summer session are not as go-getter-ish as those who take classes in the second summer session. I do realize that my class is at 8 in the morning. They seem really pissed to be there at that hour. I am fairly pissed to be there at that hour, but I deal with it, and I don't think it is unreasonable to expect them to deal with it a little better!
Of my 50 or so students, 20 of them seem great, 20 of them seem to suck at life, and the other 20 are somewhere in between. They are learning though, and that makes me happy. They have now submitted 5 writing assignments. They turned in their first into essay and a resume and cover letter. Then, the media writing started.
Their first assignment was two brief news stories with no direct quotes taken from a hypothetical police report. They also had the opportunity to write a practice news story. Those were not bad at all. Some students actually wrote strong summary leads and used the inverted pyramid to organize the information from most important to least important. I was pleased overall.
Their second assignment was a brief news story with information from a "police report" as well as direct quotes from an interview (all info is provided to them on a fact sheet). Some students did even better on those than the first assignment. A few students regressed. Overall, though, I still feel good about their progress. I think they have a basic understanding of the basic news story. They understand how to attribute information. They get it that a fact sheet cannot speak and therefore they must use according to. They see how quotes provide a voice for the story. I am pretty pleased.
Today they had to write a soft lead and follow the feature style for the first time. I saw some really awesome soft leads as I looked over their shoulders in lab today. I also saw some really crappy ones, but soft leads are tough. I don't hold them to really harsh standards on their first try. I am really hopeful that they were able to take hypothetical notes from two interviews and create a story that is interesting and engaging. The only real bummer of today was that two of my best students were not there. One of them e-mailed me before class saying he was sick. The other one sent nothing, so I hope she hasn't dropped. I am letting the guy make it up but I am not sure what to do about the girl... I will probably have to decide that tomorrow.
And then the only other thing worth mentioning about my students right now is the two bad seeds I have seen so far. I think I weeded one out! So, before the semester started, my TA looked over the roster and told me that one of my lab students was in her lab last semester and was a real pain in the bootay. I kind of shrugged it off as problem students for others are something I can usually handle.
Wow was I wrong with this girl.
She had such a piss pore attitude and oooozed entitlement issues. She dropped the class last semester because she had her tonsils out but didn't go through the correct channels to make up her work and so when push came to shove she was going to make a bad grade in the class. She even got her mother involved in the fray!
Her Mother!
So, when she shows up into my class, she gives me this whole song and dance about how she got screwed last semester and how she was making an A up to Lab 7, so she didn't really see the point to participating until we get to the point she hasn't done... Give me a damn break. I very politely tell the student that she has a great opportunity to build upon the strong foundation she already has and because I am a different instructor and that this is a new class she will need to approach it as such--blah blah blah.
She missed at least half of the classes in the first two weeks, showed up late if she showed up at all, and was generally a pain in the ass when she was there. Luckily, she did very poorly on the first graded lab and didn't show up after that.
I don't like it that I am happy she is gone, but I am. I just don't like students who won't help themselves. I have LOTS of students who had to drop the class the previous semester. I am usually very successful with those students. I just don't feel like I owe any one student more than another. I give a lot to my students. I see my classroom as a family environment in which I will give 100% and I expect the same from my kids. If we all work really hard together, we will all come out better on the other side.
So that was my really bad seed. Then there was the asshat (thank you to whoever uses that term regularly in your blog. I can't for the life of me figure out who it is. If it is you, please speak up because it is kind of driving me crazy.) from the back of the room.
So I am in the middle of my lecture. I am randomly calling on students to participate. I got tired of the same five girls (whom I adore) in the front answering every question, so I start calling on the kids in the back. One young man looks kind of out of it, but he answered my question and seemed like he was tuned in.
But.
But, he had one of those blue-tooth ear pieces in his ear. I couldn't help myself, so I had to ask why.
Me: "Are you waiting on an important phone call?"
AssHat: "Uh... No, I, uh, am listening to music."
Me: (a little stunned) "In my class?!?" (pause for effect) "NICE" "So, a strong lead is one that draws the reader into the story and summarizes the most important aspect of the news..."
I am still unsure if I handled that the right way. He seemed only mildly embarrassed, but he hasn't had his big blue tooth thing in his ear since (although I do suspect he has had a smaller earbud type thing in his ear since then).
As a college instructor, what are my options here?? Do I ignore it? Do I kick his sorry butt out of my class? Do I demand he pay attention? Do I do nothing? I wasn't sure here.
But, other than those two doozies, I think this group is growing on me. I feel a little bad for them in that I have been mildly distracted by my new state... I think I am getting it together and will overcome last week's general craziness.
So, my new state. Okay, I admit it, I just am not ready to write all that much about it... But I will. Soon. Just a tease for now, when I do write I will talk about:
So, first let me tell you a little bit about my teaching. (haha I know you want preggo details, but I will get to that)
I think students who take classes in the first summer session are not as go-getter-ish as those who take classes in the second summer session. I do realize that my class is at 8 in the morning. They seem really pissed to be there at that hour. I am fairly pissed to be there at that hour, but I deal with it, and I don't think it is unreasonable to expect them to deal with it a little better!
Of my 50 or so students, 20 of them seem great, 20 of them seem to suck at life, and the other 20 are somewhere in between. They are learning though, and that makes me happy. They have now submitted 5 writing assignments. They turned in their first into essay and a resume and cover letter. Then, the media writing started.
Their first assignment was two brief news stories with no direct quotes taken from a hypothetical police report. They also had the opportunity to write a practice news story. Those were not bad at all. Some students actually wrote strong summary leads and used the inverted pyramid to organize the information from most important to least important. I was pleased overall.
Their second assignment was a brief news story with information from a "police report" as well as direct quotes from an interview (all info is provided to them on a fact sheet). Some students did even better on those than the first assignment. A few students regressed. Overall, though, I still feel good about their progress. I think they have a basic understanding of the basic news story. They understand how to attribute information. They get it that a fact sheet cannot speak and therefore they must use according to. They see how quotes provide a voice for the story. I am pretty pleased.
Today they had to write a soft lead and follow the feature style for the first time. I saw some really awesome soft leads as I looked over their shoulders in lab today. I also saw some really crappy ones, but soft leads are tough. I don't hold them to really harsh standards on their first try. I am really hopeful that they were able to take hypothetical notes from two interviews and create a story that is interesting and engaging. The only real bummer of today was that two of my best students were not there. One of them e-mailed me before class saying he was sick. The other one sent nothing, so I hope she hasn't dropped. I am letting the guy make it up but I am not sure what to do about the girl... I will probably have to decide that tomorrow.
And then the only other thing worth mentioning about my students right now is the two bad seeds I have seen so far. I think I weeded one out! So, before the semester started, my TA looked over the roster and told me that one of my lab students was in her lab last semester and was a real pain in the bootay. I kind of shrugged it off as problem students for others are something I can usually handle.
Wow was I wrong with this girl.
She had such a piss pore attitude and oooozed entitlement issues. She dropped the class last semester because she had her tonsils out but didn't go through the correct channels to make up her work and so when push came to shove she was going to make a bad grade in the class. She even got her mother involved in the fray!
Her Mother!
So, when she shows up into my class, she gives me this whole song and dance about how she got screwed last semester and how she was making an A up to Lab 7, so she didn't really see the point to participating until we get to the point she hasn't done... Give me a damn break. I very politely tell the student that she has a great opportunity to build upon the strong foundation she already has and because I am a different instructor and that this is a new class she will need to approach it as such--blah blah blah.
She missed at least half of the classes in the first two weeks, showed up late if she showed up at all, and was generally a pain in the ass when she was there. Luckily, she did very poorly on the first graded lab and didn't show up after that.
I don't like it that I am happy she is gone, but I am. I just don't like students who won't help themselves. I have LOTS of students who had to drop the class the previous semester. I am usually very successful with those students. I just don't feel like I owe any one student more than another. I give a lot to my students. I see my classroom as a family environment in which I will give 100% and I expect the same from my kids. If we all work really hard together, we will all come out better on the other side.
So that was my really bad seed. Then there was the asshat (thank you to whoever uses that term regularly in your blog. I can't for the life of me figure out who it is. If it is you, please speak up because it is kind of driving me crazy.) from the back of the room.
So I am in the middle of my lecture. I am randomly calling on students to participate. I got tired of the same five girls (whom I adore) in the front answering every question, so I start calling on the kids in the back. One young man looks kind of out of it, but he answered my question and seemed like he was tuned in.
But.
But, he had one of those blue-tooth ear pieces in his ear. I couldn't help myself, so I had to ask why.
Me: "Are you waiting on an important phone call?"
AssHat: "Uh... No, I, uh, am listening to music."
Me: (a little stunned) "In my class?!?" (pause for effect) "NICE" "So, a strong lead is one that draws the reader into the story and summarizes the most important aspect of the news..."
I am still unsure if I handled that the right way. He seemed only mildly embarrassed, but he hasn't had his big blue tooth thing in his ear since (although I do suspect he has had a smaller earbud type thing in his ear since then).
As a college instructor, what are my options here?? Do I ignore it? Do I kick his sorry butt out of my class? Do I demand he pay attention? Do I do nothing? I wasn't sure here.
But, other than those two doozies, I think this group is growing on me. I feel a little bad for them in that I have been mildly distracted by my new state... I think I am getting it together and will overcome last week's general craziness.
So, my new state. Okay, I admit it, I just am not ready to write all that much about it... But I will. Soon. Just a tease for now, when I do write I will talk about:
- my mom and how she is trying to help me be emotionally and mentally prepared should I miscarry... her way of doing this is by being somewhat distant about the little being inside me, calling it a group of cells, saying things like that baby isn't yours until it is here... more on that later.
- my husband and his so-called shock and awe phase and how it is lasting way too long for my taste.
- these weird cramps that I suspect are related to gas or poop but might not be so they still scare the crap out of me
- how annoyed I am that I don't get to see a doctor until June 21
- my general confusion with the gestational calendar week thingy... I think I am now in week 6, but the baby was only conceived like 3 weeks ago or so...
- how I am going to handle the dissertation and telling my advisor and what this means to my fellowship
- my general fears like how I don't even know how to bathe a baby... I can learn a lot of things from books, but I have GOT to find a class to learn some of the basics. I never babysat people. I am clueless! I am so afraid I will suck at this! But, at the same time, I am excited and certain I will figure it all out...
Ok, that will be another really long blog. I tried the short thing, I suck at it. Another long one will come soon. I hope to be able to talk about a few of these things in the near future. I see the endocrinologist tomorrow and the OB nurse Thursday... I will have news after those appointments I am sure.
ttfn
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Catching up
OK, I am finally back at full speed. It feels really nice to be able to stand up without getting dizzy and to be able to stay awake for more than 20 minutes at a time. I really appreciate my health so much more after a little sickness... What a shock. So, let me catch you up.
Last time I blogged I was at a conference in Chicago, the Midwest Political Science Association Annual Conference. It went really well. I presented my paper and did an OK job. I think I presented my findings in a way that showed their real-world importance while at the same time demonstrated my ability to design a worth-while research project, so that was good. As soon as I got done presenting I high-tailed it to the airport to stand by for a flight to Mom and Dad's (rather than directly home).
My mom had been really sad when she saw me at the airport on my way to Chicago and this made me really sad so I wanted to go home and see my mom. So I did. It took getting bumped off 5 flights and flying through severe weather, but I got there. At one point during the flight, the pilot came over the PA and said that they had evacuated the control tower at the airport and they had no one to communicate with... That was a little scary. But I got home, and that was NICE!
I initially thought I would just spend the night at Mom and Dad's and then fly home on Sunday, so on Saturday I went to golf with my mom... In 30 degree weather. Let me tell you, that sucked. I loved getting to spend time with my mom and all, but it was too damn cold. I didn't have a thick coat or gloves or anything and it was just nasty cold. After riding around in the cart for 9 holes, I went back to the clubhouse and played sudoku.
So then Sunday I called the hubby and asked him if he minded if I stayed a little longer. He said he didn't mind, so I stayed. It was fabulous!! Sunday we didn't do much at all and that was just fine with me. We played cards and cooked and hung out. Those are so my favorite kind of days at home.
Mom and I drove to see my aunt and my sister on Monday. My aunt has been married for almost 25 years and is getting a divorce. And a boob job. This all seems very strange to me. No one in my family gets divorced. We just don't do that. Until now. That really scares me. My aunt and uncle were a kind of role model for me and G... My aunt is an accountant while her husband works construction. I am going to be a college professor and my husband manages a restaurant. While restaurant management and construction are not exactly the same thing, I still feel like there is a big difference in the kind of work I will do and the work my husband does. Sometimes I worry that will be a problem for us. My aunt always made more money, I assume I will eventually make more money. I kind of felt like if they could make it work with all their differences then we can make it work with all our differences. And I still know we can make it work because we have a great marriage, but their story still scares me and makes me sad.
So the whole trip to see my aunt and my sister was ALL ABOUT my aunt. I understand that she has crisis going on and what not, but it was kind of a crappy trip. We shopped (which I hate to do), and shopped at a foo-foo boutique place (which I REALLY hate to do)... We talked and talked and talked about my aunt. We didn't get to catch up and talk to each other at all. My big sister has stuff going on in her life too and I think she could have used the opportunity to talk about what she has going on, but NOOOO, we had to talk all about my aunt. This bugged me. Does it show??
We drove back from the trip and Mom and I talked and talked and that was great. We talked quite a bit about me having kids. Surprisingly, my mom is on board and ready whenever I am for me to have kids. You see, I have always thought no matter when I get pregnant my mom will see this as a bad thing, but I was wrong. She is excited and thinks I am ready. I am so afraid I won't be able to get pregnant. We talked all about this and I cried and cried. I am so afraid that my disease will keep me from being able to have a baby. I am terrified that if I wait until I done with school and settled into my career, it will be too late and my body won't be able to handle it. G wants us to wait a little while, but he doesn't get it that I have a finite amount of time during which my body will still be able to handle child bearing. He thinks we can do this just whenever... We can't.
So, here is what my plan is. I am going to spend all summer getting my body really healthy. I am going to lose weight. I am going to quit smoking. I am going to cut back on caffeine. I am going to get my diabetes under control. I am going to do all of this in an effort to demonstrate to G just how serious I am about this. He might come around. If he doesn't, what can it hurt for me to get healthy? I will just have my body healthy longer before I get pregnant, and that isn't at all a bad thing... I will keep you posted as to how all that is going...
So then I spent one more day with Mom and Dad and then I came home. I came home and got sick... I am not sure if the sickness was caused by the airplanes or the cold weather or the lack of sleep or what, but WOW what a cold/flu thing. I won't go into details other than that I had a fever and body aches. I have never before had body aches. Those suck.
Now I am all better and back in the swing of things. We are going to Leesburg this weekend for a bike fest, and that will be fun. We are going with our "friends" so we will see how that goes. I am going to try to do a Thursday Thirteen tomorrow. I hope I haven't lost the few readers I had gained with my little disappearing act!! If I lost you, please come back! I will try really hard to be consistent. My goal is still to post every Monday through Thursday. I am back in action now!!
ttfn
Last time I blogged I was at a conference in Chicago, the Midwest Political Science Association Annual Conference. It went really well. I presented my paper and did an OK job. I think I presented my findings in a way that showed their real-world importance while at the same time demonstrated my ability to design a worth-while research project, so that was good. As soon as I got done presenting I high-tailed it to the airport to stand by for a flight to Mom and Dad's (rather than directly home).
My mom had been really sad when she saw me at the airport on my way to Chicago and this made me really sad so I wanted to go home and see my mom. So I did. It took getting bumped off 5 flights and flying through severe weather, but I got there. At one point during the flight, the pilot came over the PA and said that they had evacuated the control tower at the airport and they had no one to communicate with... That was a little scary. But I got home, and that was NICE!
I initially thought I would just spend the night at Mom and Dad's and then fly home on Sunday, so on Saturday I went to golf with my mom... In 30 degree weather. Let me tell you, that sucked. I loved getting to spend time with my mom and all, but it was too damn cold. I didn't have a thick coat or gloves or anything and it was just nasty cold. After riding around in the cart for 9 holes, I went back to the clubhouse and played sudoku.
So then Sunday I called the hubby and asked him if he minded if I stayed a little longer. He said he didn't mind, so I stayed. It was fabulous!! Sunday we didn't do much at all and that was just fine with me. We played cards and cooked and hung out. Those are so my favorite kind of days at home.
Mom and I drove to see my aunt and my sister on Monday. My aunt has been married for almost 25 years and is getting a divorce. And a boob job. This all seems very strange to me. No one in my family gets divorced. We just don't do that. Until now. That really scares me. My aunt and uncle were a kind of role model for me and G... My aunt is an accountant while her husband works construction. I am going to be a college professor and my husband manages a restaurant. While restaurant management and construction are not exactly the same thing, I still feel like there is a big difference in the kind of work I will do and the work my husband does. Sometimes I worry that will be a problem for us. My aunt always made more money, I assume I will eventually make more money. I kind of felt like if they could make it work with all their differences then we can make it work with all our differences. And I still know we can make it work because we have a great marriage, but their story still scares me and makes me sad.
So the whole trip to see my aunt and my sister was ALL ABOUT my aunt. I understand that she has crisis going on and what not, but it was kind of a crappy trip. We shopped (which I hate to do), and shopped at a foo-foo boutique place (which I REALLY hate to do)... We talked and talked and talked about my aunt. We didn't get to catch up and talk to each other at all. My big sister has stuff going on in her life too and I think she could have used the opportunity to talk about what she has going on, but NOOOO, we had to talk all about my aunt. This bugged me. Does it show??
We drove back from the trip and Mom and I talked and talked and that was great. We talked quite a bit about me having kids. Surprisingly, my mom is on board and ready whenever I am for me to have kids. You see, I have always thought no matter when I get pregnant my mom will see this as a bad thing, but I was wrong. She is excited and thinks I am ready. I am so afraid I won't be able to get pregnant. We talked all about this and I cried and cried. I am so afraid that my disease will keep me from being able to have a baby. I am terrified that if I wait until I done with school and settled into my career, it will be too late and my body won't be able to handle it. G wants us to wait a little while, but he doesn't get it that I have a finite amount of time during which my body will still be able to handle child bearing. He thinks we can do this just whenever... We can't.
So, here is what my plan is. I am going to spend all summer getting my body really healthy. I am going to lose weight. I am going to quit smoking. I am going to cut back on caffeine. I am going to get my diabetes under control. I am going to do all of this in an effort to demonstrate to G just how serious I am about this. He might come around. If he doesn't, what can it hurt for me to get healthy? I will just have my body healthy longer before I get pregnant, and that isn't at all a bad thing... I will keep you posted as to how all that is going...
So then I spent one more day with Mom and Dad and then I came home. I came home and got sick... I am not sure if the sickness was caused by the airplanes or the cold weather or the lack of sleep or what, but WOW what a cold/flu thing. I won't go into details other than that I had a fever and body aches. I have never before had body aches. Those suck.
Now I am all better and back in the swing of things. We are going to Leesburg this weekend for a bike fest, and that will be fun. We are going with our "friends" so we will see how that goes. I am going to try to do a Thursday Thirteen tomorrow. I hope I haven't lost the few readers I had gained with my little disappearing act!! If I lost you, please come back! I will try really hard to be consistent. My goal is still to post every Monday through Thursday. I am back in action now!!
ttfn
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Time Together
So recently a friend of mine and my husband's pointed out that we are too up each others' asses. I have, of course, been obsessing about this since then. It really is true. We spend virtually all of our free time together. I even hang out at his work when he is working and I am not. But, here is the flip side of that. When I stay home and he works, he calls and texts me endlessly. When I go out and he is at work, or he goes out and I am out of town, we text back and forth and gripe about how much more fun we would be having if the other one were there.
I all the time worry about doing something wrong as a wife. Like I have said before, I know this man loves me more than could be possible, and I try to love him as much, but I just worry. I want to make sure I always do everything the right way as a wife. I don't want to do things now that cause resentment and problems later. My husband is the kind of man who never has an opinion. If he does have an opinion about something, it really holds weight because he rarely voices one so I feel like when he does it must really be important to him (thus the not fighting too hard to go to midtown last night). I logically know he needs time away from me and I need time away from him. But we really don't like spending time apart. It is really that simple. I don't know. I just need to keep working on it and giving us alone time. (well alone for him, for me it will have to be away time because I hate being alone and try to avoid it at all costs)...
Another marital thing going on in my life. We have one of his assistant managers staying at our house this week. She is one of my very close friends and like a little sister to G. Her kids are on spring break and at their grandparents' houses and she lives in the ghetto and doesn't want to stay at her house by herself. So we said, hey, come stay with us. I really enjoy having the company, but I have one worry about it. How many stories have you heard of the house guest becoming the mistress??
I know this doesn't make sense. Especially because I really don't think G would ever have a mistress. I just worry. I said that before, right? This all comes down to my low self esteem. I logically know he loves me and only me. Emotionally I fear (and sometimes feel like I know) that I don't really deserve his love, like I am not worth the magnitude of love he feels. He will eventually figure that out. (this is the ugly voice in my head talking here) He will figure that out and then he will hook up with the very attractive, fun, smart, wild, sexy, daring, doesn't wear underwear calls herself bisexual flirts with my husband, woman staying in my house. Again, not logical, but I also feel like I have to be on my toes. I refuse to be that wife who this happens to and who is shocked by it. I really would be shocked, but at least I will be looking for it. I don't know.
I worry that anyone reading this will think that I have a bad marriage or something. But I don't. And I do know that much. I know we are still newly wed (just celebrated a year about two weeks ago), and that is where I worry. I think about couples with successful and unsuccessful marriages. I worry that those unsuccessful ones didn't know things were bad in the first year. Or the second year. Things are great now. I just want to do all I can to keep them great. I think successful couples do think about these things and do work on their marriages. I don't know.
Oh yeah, and what did I say yesterday? That Ohio State was Gator Bait? Again? Yeah baby! Go Gators!!
ttfn
I all the time worry about doing something wrong as a wife. Like I have said before, I know this man loves me more than could be possible, and I try to love him as much, but I just worry. I want to make sure I always do everything the right way as a wife. I don't want to do things now that cause resentment and problems later. My husband is the kind of man who never has an opinion. If he does have an opinion about something, it really holds weight because he rarely voices one so I feel like when he does it must really be important to him (thus the not fighting too hard to go to midtown last night). I logically know he needs time away from me and I need time away from him. But we really don't like spending time apart. It is really that simple. I don't know. I just need to keep working on it and giving us alone time. (well alone for him, for me it will have to be away time because I hate being alone and try to avoid it at all costs)...
Another marital thing going on in my life. We have one of his assistant managers staying at our house this week. She is one of my very close friends and like a little sister to G. Her kids are on spring break and at their grandparents' houses and she lives in the ghetto and doesn't want to stay at her house by herself. So we said, hey, come stay with us. I really enjoy having the company, but I have one worry about it. How many stories have you heard of the house guest becoming the mistress??
I know this doesn't make sense. Especially because I really don't think G would ever have a mistress. I just worry. I said that before, right? This all comes down to my low self esteem. I logically know he loves me and only me. Emotionally I fear (and sometimes feel like I know) that I don't really deserve his love, like I am not worth the magnitude of love he feels. He will eventually figure that out. (this is the ugly voice in my head talking here) He will figure that out and then he will hook up with the very attractive, fun, smart, wild, sexy, daring, doesn't wear underwear calls herself bisexual flirts with my husband, woman staying in my house. Again, not logical, but I also feel like I have to be on my toes. I refuse to be that wife who this happens to and who is shocked by it. I really would be shocked, but at least I will be looking for it. I don't know.
I worry that anyone reading this will think that I have a bad marriage or something. But I don't. And I do know that much. I know we are still newly wed (just celebrated a year about two weeks ago), and that is where I worry. I think about couples with successful and unsuccessful marriages. I worry that those unsuccessful ones didn't know things were bad in the first year. Or the second year. Things are great now. I just want to do all I can to keep them great. I think successful couples do think about these things and do work on their marriages. I don't know.
Oh yeah, and what did I say yesterday? That Ohio State was Gator Bait? Again? Yeah baby! Go Gators!!
ttfn
Monday, April 2, 2007
It's Game Day Baby!
Okay, my goal is going to be to post SOMETHING Monday through Thursday... Fridays and the weekends I try to avoid my computer--therefore avoiding work... So, here we go.
It's Game Day Baby!!!! Go Gators!
The national championship vibe is back in Gainesville! That's right folks, the Gators are playing for a national title. Again. I know, we just did it for football. And it seems like we just did it for basketball. But, yes siree bob, we get to play in a national title game again.
Like how I said "we"? I am a Gator, therefore I am playing for a national title. Those five starters are starting for a team of Gators everywhere. I also claim ownership of what sports teams at Oklahoma State and Texas Christian universities do as well. (okay, random side note there).
So I am very excited and nervous about this game. We beat Ohio State pretty handily earlier in the season, but these are two different teams now. Ohio State has only lost once, that's right ONCE, since we beat them. We have lost more than a few games since then. But, we are a tournament, championship team, so I am going to try not to be worried.
And so if we win, the debate begins between the husband and I if we can go to MidTown and celebrate with all the kids. I want to go. He doesn't. He is right. And I know this. I know once we get down there I will be frigtened by the crowd, he will be annoyed by the crowd, he will have to protect me from the craziness, and we will leave almost as soon as we get down there. But I want to go! (really say that with a whine and it will sound about right)
I really want to go.
And then I will really want to leave.
But, none the less, I want to go. I want to see the pandemonium. I want to see toilet paper on street signs. I want to see happy Gator Fans running around aimlessly. I want to feel the push of the TONS of people walking down the middle of University Avenue. I want that little bit of panic when it gets too crowded. Because even though we have been there twice in a year to celebrate these national titles, I want to do it again. That is what you DO when your school wins a title. Period.
All of this might be irrelevant if we lose tonight. I really hope we win. I really really hope we win. I have prayed about it.
Is it bad to pray about sports? On Saturday, while driving to watch the game, I said out loud, "Okay God. We really need a good parking spot (we were running late and already missed tip off). And we really need a win. Okay? I will take a win over a parking spot, but we really need both! Thanks God!" I literally said this out loud with another person in the car with me (and this other person doesn't really pray so I am sure she thought I was crazy).
And another random question... as a Ph.D. student, am I not supposed to do things like go out on University and celebrate the national championship? When I am a professor, will I not be allowed (or supposed) to do things like that? I sure hope not. I am a BIG sports fan. Big One! And I love the comeraderie that comes with rooting for college sports. I hang out at a non-student bar to root for my team. I don't go to games drunk. I don't act silly. I am a fan. And I hope being an instructor (and someday professor) doesn't disclude me from the enjoyment of being a college sports fan. If anyone reading this has an opinion on the matter, I would really like to know what you think.
Oh yeah and: Ohio State is Gator Bait!!!
ttfn
It's Game Day Baby!!!! Go Gators!
The national championship vibe is back in Gainesville! That's right folks, the Gators are playing for a national title. Again. I know, we just did it for football. And it seems like we just did it for basketball. But, yes siree bob, we get to play in a national title game again.
Like how I said "we"? I am a Gator, therefore I am playing for a national title. Those five starters are starting for a team of Gators everywhere. I also claim ownership of what sports teams at Oklahoma State and Texas Christian universities do as well. (okay, random side note there).
So I am very excited and nervous about this game. We beat Ohio State pretty handily earlier in the season, but these are two different teams now. Ohio State has only lost once, that's right ONCE, since we beat them. We have lost more than a few games since then. But, we are a tournament, championship team, so I am going to try not to be worried.
And so if we win, the debate begins between the husband and I if we can go to MidTown and celebrate with all the kids. I want to go. He doesn't. He is right. And I know this. I know once we get down there I will be frigtened by the crowd, he will be annoyed by the crowd, he will have to protect me from the craziness, and we will leave almost as soon as we get down there. But I want to go! (really say that with a whine and it will sound about right)
I really want to go.
And then I will really want to leave.
But, none the less, I want to go. I want to see the pandemonium. I want to see toilet paper on street signs. I want to see happy Gator Fans running around aimlessly. I want to feel the push of the TONS of people walking down the middle of University Avenue. I want that little bit of panic when it gets too crowded. Because even though we have been there twice in a year to celebrate these national titles, I want to do it again. That is what you DO when your school wins a title. Period.
All of this might be irrelevant if we lose tonight. I really hope we win. I really really hope we win. I have prayed about it.
Is it bad to pray about sports? On Saturday, while driving to watch the game, I said out loud, "Okay God. We really need a good parking spot (we were running late and already missed tip off). And we really need a win. Okay? I will take a win over a parking spot, but we really need both! Thanks God!" I literally said this out loud with another person in the car with me (and this other person doesn't really pray so I am sure she thought I was crazy).
And another random question... as a Ph.D. student, am I not supposed to do things like go out on University and celebrate the national championship? When I am a professor, will I not be allowed (or supposed) to do things like that? I sure hope not. I am a BIG sports fan. Big One! And I love the comeraderie that comes with rooting for college sports. I hang out at a non-student bar to root for my team. I don't go to games drunk. I don't act silly. I am a fan. And I hope being an instructor (and someday professor) doesn't disclude me from the enjoyment of being a college sports fan. If anyone reading this has an opinion on the matter, I would really like to know what you think.
Oh yeah and: Ohio State is Gator Bait!!!
ttfn
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
My long-lost twin in the blogosphere...
I think I found my long-lost twin sister or something out in the blogosphere... I don't want to sound crazy or like I am getting all single-white-female on this particular blogger, but after reading her weekend posts (which she was good enough to do while I was basically worthless this weekend), I saw so many similarities that, first, I thought about e-mailing my mom and telling her she had to read this girl's blog because she was so like me, and, then, I decided I just had to blog about her a little bit. She has left a few comments and I hope she doesn't mind or think I am blog-stalking her or something... I am not. I swear!
So, first, I mentioned this blog the other day, Life: The Ongoing Education. When you go to her site, leave her the requested comment about what you did this weekend (or make it what you did on Monday or what you plan to do this upcoming weekend, that could be fun!), but also check out the info about Her Bad Auction. The blogger who writes Her Bad Mother (another GREAT blog), along with another blogger is holding an auction... Well go read about it as I am afraid I will screw up the story. Please go check it out to relieve my guilt for not getting the whole story on here.
So why Lara (Life's author) is like my long lost twin. Where to begin. I was catching up from my slacking over the weekend on blog reading and she posted one with interesting quotes. I initially skimmed--I don't usually get or appreciate some of the "great" quotes... But hers were some of the same ones I would select, if I were creative enough to actually think long and hard about quotes that I thought were insightful or interesting enough to write down again... So that was a first sign, but then she mentions her Do, Due, Done list and I am feeling like we were separated at birth.
You see, I am a list maker. No, really. Not like people make them at work, use them occasionally kind of thing. I am a real list maker. I use them for everything, and they are really the only way I can function as a responsible member of society. If you go read Lara's entry about her lists, some of this will sound familiar... I make lists when I go on a trip. Packing lists will be in sections--sometimes I will double-make the list--one by day, one by activity or some other organizing factor. This list always contains the exact number of socks, bras, and underwear I will need for the trip (usually the number of days gone plus the number of days gone minus two or four, depending on the length of the trip)...
I also make lists for school. While in undergrad, I had a dry erase board on my closet door that had each course I was taking with space below it for the stuff to be done for that course. I also had space for the sorority, and any other activities I needed at the time. It was neurotic (according to my roommates). So now, I keep this list in my planner. When times get too busy, I supplement the planner with a sheet of notebook paper that I paperclip to the planner. When I get behind, the paper stays on the week where things were last checked off. That is my way of punishing myself for being behind. I have to turn back the pages to see where I left off and what else is on my list. I usually make one about a month or a month and a half before the end of the term so I can get an idea of how hellish things will get.
Sounding familiar?? Those of you who read Lara's post might be thinking I am copying her or something, but I am not. Hmmm, I just had a thought... Maybe Lara and I are not the only ones like this? Maybe this is a characteristic of smart, ambitious, successful young women. Anyone want to share his or her list making tendencies? Just a thought.
Okay, so I am not so good at blogging on the weekends, but maybe that is OK. I will try harder next weekend.
ttfn
So, first, I mentioned this blog the other day, Life: The Ongoing Education. When you go to her site, leave her the requested comment about what you did this weekend (or make it what you did on Monday or what you plan to do this upcoming weekend, that could be fun!), but also check out the info about Her Bad Auction. The blogger who writes Her Bad Mother (another GREAT blog), along with another blogger is holding an auction... Well go read about it as I am afraid I will screw up the story. Please go check it out to relieve my guilt for not getting the whole story on here.
So why Lara (Life's author) is like my long lost twin. Where to begin. I was catching up from my slacking over the weekend on blog reading and she posted one with interesting quotes. I initially skimmed--I don't usually get or appreciate some of the "great" quotes... But hers were some of the same ones I would select, if I were creative enough to actually think long and hard about quotes that I thought were insightful or interesting enough to write down again... So that was a first sign, but then she mentions her Do, Due, Done list and I am feeling like we were separated at birth.
You see, I am a list maker. No, really. Not like people make them at work, use them occasionally kind of thing. I am a real list maker. I use them for everything, and they are really the only way I can function as a responsible member of society. If you go read Lara's entry about her lists, some of this will sound familiar... I make lists when I go on a trip. Packing lists will be in sections--sometimes I will double-make the list--one by day, one by activity or some other organizing factor. This list always contains the exact number of socks, bras, and underwear I will need for the trip (usually the number of days gone plus the number of days gone minus two or four, depending on the length of the trip)...
I also make lists for school. While in undergrad, I had a dry erase board on my closet door that had each course I was taking with space below it for the stuff to be done for that course. I also had space for the sorority, and any other activities I needed at the time. It was neurotic (according to my roommates). So now, I keep this list in my planner. When times get too busy, I supplement the planner with a sheet of notebook paper that I paperclip to the planner. When I get behind, the paper stays on the week where things were last checked off. That is my way of punishing myself for being behind. I have to turn back the pages to see where I left off and what else is on my list. I usually make one about a month or a month and a half before the end of the term so I can get an idea of how hellish things will get.
Sounding familiar?? Those of you who read Lara's post might be thinking I am copying her or something, but I am not. Hmmm, I just had a thought... Maybe Lara and I are not the only ones like this? Maybe this is a characteristic of smart, ambitious, successful young women. Anyone want to share his or her list making tendencies? Just a thought.
Okay, so I am not so good at blogging on the weekends, but maybe that is OK. I will try harder next weekend.
ttfn
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