I'm baa-aaaack

Wow, that was quite the hiatus. Alot has happened since my last post. I had to take a little break until I felt comfortable enough to post things about my life again. For my returning readers, you will see I made a few changes and spruced the place up a little bit.



So let me catch you up with some short short stories.



1. the husband was, in fact, cheating on me, and he and his girlfriend (and her two daughters) now live in my house.

2. I filed for divorce as early as I could (did you know you can't file for divorce in Texas while you are pregnant?) and he has been dragging ass, I suspect as a way to prolong not paying child support.

3. I am still teaching part time and enjoying that, but I have recently been hired to do training and documentation for claims compliance at an insurance company. Right now I don't really know what exactly that means, but I know it means a steady paycheck and benefits, which are good things!

4. The pregnancy was fabulous!! I loved being pregnant... In spite of all the drama going on in my life, I was a happy preggo. I am going to post the few blogs I wrote on myspace about the drama while I was pregnant, just to keep you up to date.

5. And this one won't be a short short story. This one is my whole life. This one is Eleanor Logan.



She was born Jan. 8, 08 at 8 p.m. via c-section. She is healthy and happy and just plain fabulous. I am madly in love with her! So, the birth story...



I went into the hospital at 10:30 a.m. Tuesday (1/8/08) and they started inducing labor because they were concerned that she hadn't been gaining weight in the womb. I labored until about 7:30 p.m., but the doc didn't feel like I was making enough progress so we decided to do a C-section. It only took them less than 30 minutes to get me into the OR and get going on getting her... It was a little scary, but not that bad. She weighed 7 pounds 1.6 oz and was 19.5 inches long. Because she was born via c-section (and didn't get the "squeeze" of going through the birth canal), she had a little fluid on her lungs and was breathing a little fast, so she went to the NICU.

Eleanor spent four days in the NICU and was discharged only a day after me. Initially they were saying she might need to be there for up to three weeks, so when she made such a strong recovery so quickly, everyone was impressed! She is just so smart, strong, and beautiful! She started drinking out of a bottle day 3 (which was earlier than they expected) and was immediately breastfeeding--she is an eating champ! The nurses and doctors in the NICU were so impressed that her blood sugars were so stable (most babies of diabetics struggle in their first few days, but the docs said because I had managed my diabetes so well during pregnancy that she did better than most).



So that is how she got here... There have already been so many adventures with her in her short little 2-month life. I know I will be writing much more about her.



So, I just want to try to get back in the swing of blogging. I have so much to celebrate now, I don't think I have to worry about being a "debbie downer..." I hope I get some of my readers back. I cannot say enough positive things about the love and support you all provided me during those hard times. I am so excited to get back and catch back up with everyone. If you can forgive me for dropping off the face of the planet, leave me a comment!

Nice

I got a much-needed kick in the butt back to the blogsphere thanks to my great friend Lara. She has awarded me a Nice Matters Award.

"This award is for those bloggers who are nice people and good blog friends -
those who bring good feelings and inspiration. Also for those who are a positive
influence on our blogging world. Once you’ve been awarded, please pass it on to 7 others who you feel are deserving of this award."

I will pass this lovely award onto:

• Nikki (who may appear not nice with the occasional f-bomb, but she rocks my socks off and is a sweet heart to this sad little girl).


• Major BedHead (my new friend who sends me great support and advice! And she uses words like Mum and I love that!)


• JillB (another rock star in my world!)


• Mommy Off The Record (she has been supporting me and sharing pregnancy stuff and I sure appreciate it!!)


• Stupid American (she has been loving me since long before the blogsphere and she just rocks socks)


• Betsy (she even gave me the secret password!)


• Ewe Are Here (she always has a kind word to share!)

I want to post the cool picture but I don't know how, so if anyone knows how and wants to tell me, drop me a line!!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

So, onto the not so nice. As you know, it was been a WHILE since I have been here. It has even been a while since I have read others' blogs...

Some part of it is that living at mom and dad's has meant that my computer lives upstairs and I live down.

Part of it has been that my sleep schedule has been so fragile that when I get upstairs I worry if I don't try to go to sleep right away I will lose the chance (like I did tonight).

The biggest part of it is that I am so overwhelmed with hurt and pain that I haven't known what to write... I hate to be all "Debbie Downer..." I hate to write whiney crap even though I know yall love me and will support me. I think I am afraid to write too much because I might discover some new painful feeling that hasn't cropped up yet.

But, I know I NEED to. My mom and sister (I think through my sister's prodding because my sister is actually privvy to this address while mom isn't) have reminded me that blogging is therapuetic and will help me feel better. I think I have reached this weird place where I don't really know how to feel better and that's scary...

I went to Oklahoma three weeks ago and had a fabulous time (except for Gma going in the hospital--she is fine now). When I got back I headed to D.C. for a big conference and LOTS of job interviews. That was GREAT! I had five really great interviews with R1s who have jobs I would love to have. I talked with great folks. I got to talk with people from my school and people at other schools. I got to say goodbye to people from my school and that was nice. I got to meet friends at new schools and that was nice. I was on and happy for most of the time I was out of time. I did really well. I think exuding that kind of happiness and cheerfulness kind of wiped me out of happy for a while, because ever since I have been home, I have been DOWN...

Last week I tried to work hard and get my honey-do's done... I had a doctor's appointment on Wednesday for a sonogram/Level II Ultrasound... It was very exciting! We (me and mom--see, i have to clarify that and that makes me mad. I don't get to say we as in my husband/the baby's father and I--no, I have to clarify that my mother goes to these appointments with me) got to see the baby's bones--thigh and arm, her nose, mouth, eyes, ears, and spine... That's right, I said HER... We got to see her lack of outdoor plumbing!! As my sister said, we have a Jane, not a John! I was so relieved! I was so scared and confident this was a boy and that I was going to be even more clueless than I am already going to be... But, as the doctor said, today we're going to say she's a girl... He looked between her legs and said, "Well, if some thing's there, it is hidden really well!" So, I go back in a few weeks and he will take another look. This sono was at 16 weeks, so it is still early, but right now, she's a girl!

G knew that I was going to that appointment and that it was about more than just gender determination. This was an appointment for the docs to say that she looks healthy and that my diabetes hasn't screwed her up. He claimed to want to know what is going on with her, and I told him he would have to call me to ask because he needed to show a little initiative. I waited all day to share our news with him and for him to demonstrate in some small way that he gives a damn.

And what do you know, but he didn't call. And what do you know, but it devastated me. It sent me into a funk from which I have not returned. I texted him on Thursday about a financial matter and he asked how the appointment went. Via text message. All casual like. I told him fine and left it at that. He eventually got around to texting me, "So is it a girl like you wanted?" How dick can he be?? He just oozed rudeness and ass-hole in every word he utters and it breaks my heart with each letter. I don't really ever get to talk to him, but he texts occasionally and his texts hurt just as much as phone calls. Is IT the appropriate pronoun for our sweet baby? No! And is it a competition for the desired gender? No! I am happy as long as this baby is healthy. He seems indifferent about this child and that hurts me so badly. She deserves a daddy and he has robbed her of that. Even if he is "involved," that will mean two weeks a year in another state?? That sucks. I guess personifying her with a gender has brought back some of my issues with him...

And I know I can't expect anything from him and I try not to, but it just hurt so badly when he showed his lack of interest. He is a better man than that. I know it. Where did my G go? Where is the man I married? I miss him so much I ache! I just want him to call me and say, Hey, I am sorry this is all so shitty. Even if we can't be together, I love you. Why can't he call and tell me he loves me? Why doesn't he love me? Why doesn't he love us? Why has he gone away? I just don't understand. At all. I just miss him (the real him, not this new ass hole) so much.

Like I said, for a few weeks, I was doing good. That has all gone away. Wednesday and Thursday collided into Friday where I just cried pretty much all day. It was the only thing I could accomplish on Friday. I even cried when my mom had friends over. I went to a concert of my favorite band with two of my favorite people on Friday night and what do you know, I cried there too (of course this band was OUR favorite too, so some tears were expected). I just want to cry all the time. I just want to sleep and cry and that is about it. I am angry about that too. I am generally a happy person, and I miss being REALLY happy. I can fake it like a champ, but I haven't been genuinely happy in a long time and that sucks.

I want to be excited that I have a baby girl on the way. But I was too busy being sad that my baby girl doesn't get a daddy. I think some part of my sadness for that is that I don't get to be a mommy with a daddy. I know that is selfish.

My family thinks I am depressed, and I think I agree. So I have made an appointment with a counselor, but I am not excited about going. I just don't know how that will help really. Writing this hasn't really helped, it just gave me something to cry about... It may have some long-term effect in helping, but today, nothing really helps. I am very afraid of this hopeless feeling. I have 23 weeks to get it together and be OK for my baby girl. I don't know if that is long enough. That is scary. Not only have I always been scared out of my mind about the whole Mommy gig, now I have to be scared to be single mommy and depressed mommy... And this is all before PPD... Yikes! I am just struggling a lot.

And, I feel terrible for putting my family through this. My mom finds me crying daily and just seems crushed. She doesn't really get it that I am not choosing to do this. I feel bad that it hurts her to see me so down. I want to be up, I just don't know how to get there. My sister and dad have even talked about this on the phone--mind you my dad is not a phone talker... I hate it that they are all worried about this. They all feel totally helpless, and they are. I need their love and support totally, but the love that I really want isn't coming and that is the only thing I can imagine making me better. I feel bad because it is like I am saying to them that their love isn't good enough. I know they know that isn't true, but I just don't want to hurt them any more... My mom and dad said the other night how happy they are that I am home. I said me too and my dad said, no you're not, but that's ok. And that's the truth. I still just want to go home. To my home. To my husband and my dog. And I can't. And that hurts.

So, I am sorry this blog is all over the place. I am really hoping I can try to write more because I do think it will help in the long term. Bear with me and sunny days will return... Go read back in my archives when I was in my care-bear world of happiness and bliss. I was smug with my little world of love and fun. I miss those days. I want them back so badly! I know my baby girl will bring bliss and I WILL bring bliss to her. She deserves a happy healthy mommy and I am going to become that. She is worth it. I know I can do it for her... I just need to remember that! Thanks for listening again!

ttfn

PS-I drafted 5th in my fantasy football league and it is time for me to live up to my name--ffbgirl--so hopefully some football stuff is coming. I start work Wednesday with meetings and stuff and I want to write about that too. I want to write more about my conference and the job hunt too.

Big shock, I have been MIA

I know I keep apologizing for this and I know that at some point what few of you are left will flee for lack of interesting material here at this fair blog, but I at least wanted to check in and give you a quick update...

I have been in Oklahoma with family this past week/weekend... My grandma mysteriously got sick and wound up in the hospital. Me being the pregnant and gross-out fearing person that I am, I didn't actually see her in the hospital, but I at least spent an afternoon in the waiting room... She is still in the hospital but doing better. Prayers and positive thoughts for her are appreciated.

Also while in Oklahoma, my aunt informed my uncle that she is done with their marriage. Hmmm, let me give you a short short version as I want to post on this at length very soon. My aunt and I are very alike. She married a somewhat blue-collar kind of guy who loves her a lot, but who is probably beneath her (similar to me marrying a blue-collar kind of guy whom I thought loved me a lot and is probably beneath me)... I saw their marriage as a hope that G and I would always be OK (before he up and left me)... She has been considering this divorce for a year or so and it has been hard for me to be on her side. I know that is horrible and I should support her and love her no matter what. I do love her, I just hate it that she is quitting on her marriage (of like 25 years). It is not my business and I am judging and thrusting my experiences on a situation that is probably not all that similar, so it makes me feel guilty. But, none the less, that made the weekend less than enjoyable.

I am headed to a BIG conference this week and have TONS to do to get ready. I have TWO (that's right, TWO) interviews set up for this conference with big research one schools. One of the programs just e-mailed me this weekend and I am PUMPED! This school is one of the few with a specialty in my area and other researchers from my research group have gotten jobs there. I interviewed there for their Ph.D. program and didn't get in. The gentleman who e-mailed me about interviewing at the conference is one with whom I had dinner while on my Ph.D. interview and I really enjoyed him. I hope I impressed him back three or four years ago and I hope I can impress him again.

This whole divorce thing is still kicking my ass. I want to boo hoo daily. I try to limit the actual boo-hooing to once a week or so and just have a good cry daily, but it gets hard. It is especially hard after a weekend around a lot of people. I know it will be a challenge at this conference as I cannot mention the pregnancy and WILL NOT mention the divorce... It is just hard to be all smiley and happy all the time when I feel like crap.

I miss G so much it hurts. I ache inside. I just want to go home, and I can't. That is the worse feeling in the world. I know this is home now, but it still doesn't feel like it. I miss my husband and my dog. I miss hugs and kisses in a romantic way. I miss going to sleep with a big guy snoring on the other side of me. I miss waking up annoyed that his alarm is going off and he doesn't even hear it.

I know our marriage was obviously not good, but I sure loved it and it hurts so bad that I don't get to experience it anymore. I just don't know how to cope with how sad this makes me. I try to be positive and just look for the good. I try to be rational and reasonable and accept that I am going to hurt. But how long?? When will I not want to just crawl back into bed every day because facing another day is just a crummy thought? When will this not be so hard?

Oh wait, it is only going to get harder because I have a baby on the way and I will be going through that alone. That scares the crap out of me. I knew I could be a good mom as long as I had G's support and that together we could do this. I know logically that I can do it alone, but it is so much more scary than anything I have ever thought of before. What if I am as bad at it as I think I can be?? What if I can't do this?

And I am still pissed that I have to answer all the questions about being the pregnant one whose husband left... At the lake this weekend I had to tell two different people (basically strangers) at least something about my husband and I just had no clue how to do that. I need to come up with some stock answer, but I am not very good at short and sweet, as you guys know... And I go to a new doctor this week and I am sure I will have to address the father issue there too. I don't want people thinking that I am OK with doing this alone. I am well aware that a two-parent home is preferable. This was not my choice. How do I convey that without giving my life story? And I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I do.

So, this is basically why I have not been writing. I am too afraid it will turn into this--a long whiny gripe fest that no one wants to read. I apologize. If you even made it this far, I thank you for listening to my pain. If you have any advice on dealing, please share it. I am struggling. I am struggling far worse than I really want to let on. I don't think my parents realize that I have not moved forward in any real way emotionally. It is still as painful as it was a month ago. I have gone through the motions and gotten a job and I am looking forward and appearing to be strong on the outside, but inside I am a big glop of mush. And it is painful mush and I don't like it. Sorry again this was such a downer. I hope getting it out of my head will make me feel better, at least. I will try to make tomorrow's post a happier one (Lara tagged me for a meme, so I will do that tomorrow). OK, one last request for hugs and positive thoughts and prayers (last for this post, there will be many more requests like that in my future).

ttfn

Second Trimester Afternoon Sickness?!?

I made it through the first trimester with no major feelings of yuckiness! Thank God!

I am a wuss and could not have handled daily puking or anything like that! I said God must have known that and spared me.

I have been in my second trimester for a few days now, and I think maybe God forgot or something... Tuesday night we went out for Mexican food and on Wednesday I felt yucky all day long. I attributed it to the Mexican food. So, today, mid-afternoon, I got all yucky feeling again!

And it seemed typical "morning sickness" kind of yucky in that I just felt yucky and certain smells (specifically the marinating turkey breast my mom put in the oven) about sent me to the can... I am so going to be upset if this becomes a daily thing. I know it is a little early to panic and it is only two days of yucky and I shouldn't complain, but I am getting nervous.

Is increased anxiety a common symptom in the second trimester?? The other day I was worried about weight gain (specifically in my butt), and today I am freaking out about afternoon sickness...

Paranoid much?

I think so!

So, don't worry about me, I am just stressing about every little thing. My mom and I almost headed to the ER yesterday because of weird cramps in my tummy (I called the new doc, but because they haven't seen me they can't give me medical advice)... I think I might be focusing my life stress onto stressing about baby stuff... I don't know...

I think I will have to post a belly pic in the near future, but cross your fingers that it can wait until after my upcoming conference. There is a HUGE job fair at this conference and I am NOT telling potential employers that I am preggo (so let's hope they can't notice!).

Sorry for the randomness, I am just trying to get back into the habit of daily (or almost daily) postings.

P.S. Major Kudos to my dad for helping me set up Quicken for all my bills and stuff! He Rocks my Socks!!

ttfn

Home (bitter) Sweet Home

Well, I made it home. I tried to post from the road, but I was just too plum wore out to get it done... Sorry!

So, our adventure went as follows:

• Finished packing just as movers arrived on Wednesday morning.
• Movers were loading stuff in truck when Dad got to G'ville.
• G was actually helpful in packing and directing movers in their loading of stuff.
• Paid for a whole extra hour of movers' time because of the two-hour minimum when they only needed an hour to get my crap loaded.
• Went to copy place to print, sign, and get notarized our separation agreement.
• Got a half-ass one arm hug and mumble for a goodbye (he personifies cowardly asshat more and more).
• Went and got Subway with my dad and departed from G'ville without any major emotional breakdowns.
• Drove for maybe three hours and decided we had had enough driving for the day.
• Found a hotel with a restaurant and free WiFi (see, I intended to post).
• Ate dinner and fell asleep by 7 p.m. (I know, sad).

Day Two

• After a restless night of me and Dad being awake and asleep, we got up at 5 a.m. and were on the road by 6 a.m.
• We drove all day without anything really worth mentioning... We ate breakfast in Mississippi, didn't really eat lunch, made it into Louisiana before 2 p.m., and decided to haul all the way to Shreveport so we could get a little gambling in.
• Stopped for the night in Bosier City at 3 p.m.
• Gambled for an hour, won almost $50 at the craps table!!
• Ate dinner at the buffet and headed to the room by 6 p.m. We swore we would try to stay awake until 8 p.m. We failed at that attempt.
• Fell asleep before 7 p.m., woke up at 10:30 or so, stayed awake for four hours or so, and fell back asleep until 5:30 or so...

Day Three

• We were on the road again by 6 a.m. with less than 4 hours to get home!!
• Crossing the state line between Texas and Louisiana was emotional for me. It just really sunk in that this was really happening. I know my dad was appreciative that I didn't have any major emotional breakdowns on the trip, but I know he noticed the quiet tears as we crossed the state line.
• Arrived home and spent most of Friday doing nothing--I did help my dad download music for the firs time, went grocery shopping, that was about it.

So, then yesterday we had movers come and rearrange furniture upstairs and help us unload the truck. That took only 2 hours but cost $250... But, we got all my stuff to fit in my room upstairs and in the garage. My folks can still fit both their cars in the garage along with half of my crap!

After the movers were done, my mom helped me start unpacking. It went fairly well. We got all my clothes unpacked and even got my bathroom arranged. We got my new sheets washed to put on my new bed. The deal with the new bed is this, G and I ordered that bed a few months ago but we never slept on it because the box springs wouldn't fit upstairs in our town house, so we were just going to wait until we moved to use the new bed. We put the new sheets on and then mom started ragging on me about my pillows that they were too old and lumpy. She demanded that I pitch my old pillows and use some of her new ones. Then, she moved on to complaining about how dusty my desk was. She sent me to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth to deal with the dust.

Pair all of her nagging with the realization that our new bed was only going to be my new bed and the fact (although I didn't know this yet) that my blood sugar had dropped dangerously low, I had a meltdown at this point. I just started bawling and I couldn't stop. It was one of those cries that gets going so hard you can't really breathe. Well, my mom got bothered that I was crying and yelled at me more. I tried to communicate with her, but I was crying too hard. Luckily she figured out that I had low blood sugar and got me downstairs for some juice. It was pretty ugly though.

My mom is fabulous and my best friend, but she needs to work on her dealing with my tears. Anytime she finds me crying she asks, "Why are you crying?" Often times, the only real reason I am crying is the state of affairs of my life. There isn't always one specific thing that will set me off, and I think it is OK to just cry every once in a while. I understand that it hurts her to see me hurting, but I wish she would just hug my neck and let me cry without asking for an explanation. I talked to her a little bit about this yesterday, and I think she might be better about it in the future. We shall see.

On other fronts, I have a job interview Tuesday. I had applied at a local CC for their journalism department, but last I had heard they had filled the position. Then, literally as Dad and I were just driving out of town, I checked my e-mail on my phone and found an e-mail asking me if I could interview because the person they had hired had flaked on them. This was really symbolic for me. Here I was leaving my husband and my life with no clue as to what my future would hold, and I got an e-mail asking me to interview for a position that will really work well for me! I e-mailed back and fourth with the hiring professor and in the end, she even asked me to be sure and bring my social security card to the interview. How many job interviews require a SS card?? I took that as a good sign.

Then, when I got home, I checked my e-mail and found an e-mail from a big R1 school asking me to interview at an upcoming conference. This is the first time a school has contacted me about interviewing, and I was really excited about this. This too was a sign from God that everything is going to be OK.

So, please send LOTS of positive thoughts and prayers my way on Tuesday that this interview goes well and that I get the job. I still need prayers and positive thoughts that I get through my life drama too, but this is some new stuff worth talking about, and good stuff worth talking about, so I like that!

I hope to post more regularly now that I am a little settled in. I might take some pics of the unpacking process. I am also working on an ode to my dad. He just freaking ROCKS for so many reasons, and I need to write about that. I will also work on being a better commenter.

Oh yeah, one more thing. A friend of mine with whom I worked on my master's has started a blog. Go check her out: Stupid American. She rocks my socks off! Her stuff is often way above my head, but she always makes me think!

Thank you very much for all the support and love. I cannot really explain how much it helps and makes me smile and feel loved. I so appreciate the virtual hugs. I still need lots of hugs, so these really mean a lot to me. Thank you so much!

ttfn

Packing it up

Well, I am leaving in two days. My dad is flying out and will meet me at my house on Wednesday morning. I will have already picked up the moving truck and will hopefully have things loaded by the time he gets here. We are taking a three-day drive home (no one day will require more than 6 hours of driving), and Dad is really trying to do his best to make this drive home an adventure. I know this will be a sad little drive for me, so I appreciate his efforts.

G is so done. It breaks my heart every time we interact. I have asked him for hugs and he refuses. I try to talk to him and he tunes me out. He is just done and that hurts so deeply. I don't know if this is his defense mechanism or his guilt or if he really just hates my guts. I think he wants me to feel like he hates my guts. That is hard to swallow.

I am still worried about him. My mom thinks he is on drugs and until today I totally dismissed that idea. Here is why I say until today... He spends extended periods of time in the bathroom. I know, typical male behavior, but I mean abnormally extended periods of time. He got home from running an errand at 10 p.m. tonight. He immediately went upstairs into the bathroom and stayed there for an hour (not an exaggeration). Mind you, he had already had his post-work bathroom visit. Then, he came downstairs (I had asked him to just sit and watch TV with me). We ordered pizza, waited for it to be delivered, and then ate it. Then, he went upstairs again and was in the bathroom for at least 30 minutes. Then he came back down and took the dog out. Then, he went upstairs and went to the bathroom again (this time only for a few moments)... But, what is going on there?? Is he just hanging out in there to hide from me? I don't think he is using his phone in there because I have listened by the door (yes, I am that sad and pathetic). It is just plain weird. I just think he might be going in there and using drugs of some form (non-smelly drugs). Any ideas or clues? I guess the other option is that he is in there looking at his girly mags and do what men do with girly mags. Regardless, it is weird and I want to know what is going on.

So, I leave in two days to move home. My folks are still being amazing. Being here is quite possibly the hardest thing I have done yet. I say yet because I know I am facing difficult tasks left and right in my future. I hope to post once or twice from the road, so keep your fingers crossed that I can get free Internet access at one of our hotels. Please keep sending prayers, positive thoughts, and hugs my way. I need lots of them!

ttfn

Checking in

Well, things have not vastly improved, but I am very appreciative of your support and words of encouragement.

Things got worse early last week, so my dad flew out to keep my company and give me a hug. I cannot express how grateful I am that he did that. It also makes me really sad that my life had gotten so bad that my daddy had to fly far away just to make me feel better. But, so is life, I guess.

On Friday, Dad and I flew home and now I am here. I am gonna kick it here for two weeks and hope that time will help G get his shit together. I don't really know. He wouldn't talk with me before I left, so I don't know what he is hoping to accomplish while I am gone.

I don't know much, really. I am just trying to focus on the baby and staying healthy and not stressing. That not stressing thing is easier said than done, but that is my daily goal--not stressing.

So please think positive thoughts for my family--that we will come out on the other end better for all this drama. I will post again this week with hopefully a positive update. We shall see.

ttfn

Real Mom Truths IV

And now for the crowning jewel of the series, real moms do it all.

My mom really has done it all for me. She is also my best friend. I know I can count on her to be honest when I need her to, but I also know she can usually hold her tongue if the situation calls for it. My mom is just amazing.

As I approach putting into words the real mom truth about my mom, I struggle to do her justice. I just know I can’t paint an accurate picture of what she means to me and how much she means to me and just how truly amazing she is. Words just won’t do, but I am going to give it a try.

My mom tells it that when I was little, we were pretty much inseparable. I think that is why I am so at ease in most social situations. Mom treated me like a little person. We were buds and still are.

Remember those yucky years of grade school? Mom was part of the reason I made it out of that ok. She told me the kids were mean to me because they were jealous that I was so smart and pretty. Little did she know that I was self-righteous enough as a little girl to tell the kids at school just that (I found out in high school that this only fueled their fire). She let me demonstrate my uniqueness in how I dressed and when kids were mean about it, she came up the concept of fashion courage.

She encouraged me to pursue wherever my interests took me. When I wanted to be a writer, she told me I could do that. When I wanted to be a lawyer, she told me I could do that. When I wanted to become a journalist, she told me I could do that, too. She taught me that I can be whatever I want to be, as long as I work hard. It is from her that I learned my ideals about equality. She always told me that as a woman I deserve the same rights and responsibilities as any man. She really taught me that I deserved anything for which I was willing to work.

She also ingrained in me my spirit of doing the right thing because it is the right thing. She taught me to be efficient—a lesson learned through putting away the dishes and being told not to touch things twice when I don’t need to. She taught me to work hard and play hard. She taught me to laugh every day. That is one lesson for which I am eternally grateful. My mom taught me a lot of this by setting a good example.

Part of that good example was the one she set of being a good wife. I know I am not the world’s greatest wife, yet. That yet is the key word there. I have heard stories that maybe my mom wasn’t the greatest wife in the world one or two years in, but she sure is now—and has been for most of my life. My mom has taught me a lot about being respectful of your husband, remembering that he is the head of the household, and treating him with as much love and compassion as you would like from him. My mom is fiercely loyal to my dad. She is his biggest asset. That is another lesson she has taught me, to be his biggest asset. Mom always talked about business functions she would attend and how as his wife, she had an important role to play. I try to remember that now.

My mom also taught me the importance of friendship in a marriage. Her dad taught her that if you have two close friends in this world to consider yourself lucky, but my mom showed me that she could always count on my dad for friendship. I think that is part of what makes our family work—friendship. We are all friends and so I feel like we don’t “need” so badly for others to accept us. I really try to make friendship a top priority in my marriage.

At our wedding, I played a special dedication to my mom, Somebody’s Hero. This great song starts out talking about a woman who may never have had a nine-to-five job but has been a waitress and a cook and a taxi driver. The song chronicles the love of a mother who picks up cheerios and kisses skinned knees. It celebrates how this mother is her little girl’s hero. Then the song goes on to talk about how this mother prepared her little girl to be a grown up and their interactions on her wedding day. This verse shows how the little-girl hero-worship has grown into a more mature understanding of the mom and how the mom remains her little girl’s hero. It ends with a verse about the daughter going every day to see her mother in the nursing home, brushing her hair and feeding her. It reverses the roles and eludes to the fact that now the daughter is the mom’s hero.

My mom is still this little girl’s hero.

I played that for my mom and I gave her the lyrics because that song really put into words a lot of my feelings for my mom. I am not sure that she totally got it that I really mean what that song is talking about. My mom really is my hero. As I grow older and I learn a little more about life, I value her even more. I appreciate where she has been and where we have been together. I am so thankful that she is my best friend. She plays such a huge role in my life.

We talk on the phone every day. She understands when I am moody, tired, or even suffering from PMS. I understand when she is moody, tired, or suffering from hormonal changes of menopause. She knows before any one else if something isn’t quite right in my world—often before I even figure it out. She is my biggest advocate and captain of my cheering squad! I know I can count on her for anything—even the little things I don’t always know I need.

If Amy is my mini-me, I am my mom’s mini-me. We are so alike it is scary. We are sensitive but won’t show it to just anybody, we are fun loving but fairly simple, and we are selfish in some ways but so giving in others. Our biggest difference is our roles as sisters. Mom is the big sister in their duo. She understands the ways that Sally protects me because that is what she does for Cheryl. She knows the pains Sally has endured in being the big sister.

My goal in everything I do is to make her proud. I have given her an opportunity or two to be less than proud of me, but she always finds a way to see the good in me. Making her (and my dad) proud is really my driving force to do anything that I have done thus far. The best part of accomplishing anything is knowing that they are proud of me for that accomplishment. I get just as much joy out of calling my mom and telling her I got a paper accepted to a conference as the joy I get out of opening the acceptance letter myself. I have to go far in life. I owe them that. I also know that I can go far in life because they have provided for me a solid foundation from which I can continue to grow and learn.

Oh and her mom abilities. That is what this is all about, right? If everything else hasn’t shown you what a spectacular real mom my mom is, let me tell you a little bit about the ways she has inspired me to be a good mom myself…

She made it seem really easy when I know it wasn’t. I talk about how I know I can be a mom because my mom did it. I really hope that doesn’t come out in a way that makes her look bad. She gave me the skills I need to be a mom, I just know it. She was such a fabulous mom that I think I will be able to handle it—okay, maybe not handle it, but that it won’t kill me. When I say I know I can do it because my mom did it, that doesn’t tell the whole story. I highly doubt I will be able to do it as well or with as much grace as my mom did it, but because of the excellent job she did, I have faith that I, too, can raise some pretty fabulous kids.

So this series was my salute to the real moms who have had a profound impact on who I am. You can probably see that these women have also had an impact on each other. I hope I make each of them proud with this blog (even though I don’t want them on my blog—this is anonymous). I know I have not done them justice with my salute, but this was my best effort.

So happy mother’s day.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms in the world, but especially to these four fabulous women.

Real Mom Truths Part III

So far we know real moms find a way to make it work and teach the hard lessons. What else does this non-mom know about real moms?

Real moms like you when they don’t have to, when they probably shouldn’t, and when no one else will. While I know my grandma, my aunt, and my mom have all played this role for me, my sister has really been the one who will always embody this truth in my life.

Being my sister has not always been easy or fun, but it is a job I know my sister cherishes, and I am so thankful that she does. I cannot accurately convey just how amazing my sister is. She is the best person in my life. She is that person that everyone likes. She is that person who is there for a friend in need, whether it’s there to pick up the pieces or there to celebrate a victory, or even there to sit back with, she can always be counted on to be there.

She is my best friend. At times in my life when I just knew that no one else even wanted to see my face, she embraced me. As I write this, tears run down my face as I think of the love and friendship she has always given me. I cannot even begin to do her justice with the writing of this entry.

Oh where do I begin? Let me start with her selflessness. She really is the most selfless person I know. When her marriage and family were very young, times were tough. My grandma and grandpa welcomed Sally’s young family into their home and gave them opportunities that have allowed their family to flourish and grow. Although Sally doesn’t live with Grandma anymore, she still lives nearby (OK, let’s be honest, she lives next door now, but even when she didn’t live right next door, she never lived far away). They share a bond and a love that is so strong. I mentioned before the amazing relationship Grandma has with my neice, well this began when they all lived together. But Sally really takes care of Grandma. Sally knows Grandma and understands her in a way that I certainly don’t—and even in a way that, I think, only Sally and Grandma “get.” Just like in your family, moms and grandmas can seem a little odd or annoying… Sally is always the one who can figure out how we can all get along. Sally is the one who likes any one of us when no one else will.

She takes her liking of “the unlikable” to a professional level, in my mind. She and her husband have owned and operated a family game store for the last two years. By game store I don’t mean Xbox and Playstation, I mean board games, role playing games—of Dungeons and Dragons fame--, dice games, and all sorts of non-electronic games. This is where Sally’s ability to like anyone for who they are really shows. We all know the stereotypes of the kinds of people who play D&D… While some of those stereotypes are untrue, the idea that geeks and weirdos play these games is not always far off the mark. But these “geeks and weirdos” of all ages feel right at home in their store. Sally doesn’t treat these game enthusiasts any differently than she treats my so-called cool-kid friends.

They recently announced that they would be closing their store. While this was a big deal for their family, Sally was really burdened by the fact that this community of misfits would no longer have a healthy and welcoming place to gather. She really fretted about taking away this “clubhouse” of sorts for that group in her community. Now mind you, this store has demanded more time and energy than any one person (or two—her and her husband) should devote to anything, but they did it. And Sally did it with a welcoming smile.

I would spend time in her store and just be in awe of the way she interacts with her “customers.” I put that in quotes because Sally treated these people not as sources of revenue, but rather as her friends. She was a friend to people who probably only had precious few, and I am confident her friendship with these people was, and continues to be, genuine (possibly something she learned from my Grandma??).

It has been a running joke in my family that my sister is my “real” mother. Now that joke bears no reflection on the amazing mothering my mom did, but rather is a reflection on the way my sister loves me. She really does love me in a mother-like way. Her love for me is unconditional, and I know that. We are so lucky that our mom engendered in us this appreciation for our sister. I see in my mom and my aunt a lot of the relationship my sister and I have. They are still best friends, and I know Sally and I will spend our whole lives as best friends. Sally is almost six years older than me, and, I guess, when I came along she just took me on as her own.

I will never forget the days of grade school when in my grade we didn’t have cooties, we had abby-germs. I was like the common cold of the elementary school—nobody wanted me. I was so deeply sad and full of confusion about why I felt like I should just “go eat worms” (you know the song). Here was the confusion though… At home, I was a super star! They all loved me and liked me. Especially Sally. She played with me when none of the neighborhood kids would. She told me I was cool, that I had “fashion courage,” and that she liked me. It is amazing to me how deeply unhappy I was in one area of life—that out of the home, yet I was perfectly content inside the home. I really have my whole family to thank for that, but my sister saved me. I cannot really even explain just how important her acceptance and love was and continues to be to me.

I was filling out one of those “about me” e-mails the other day and it asked about a favorite childhood memory. At the time I couldn’t come up with one, but now I remember. I was probably in second grade, so that meant Sally was in eighth. They had some function at the junior high, a play or talent show, I think. Sally and all her cool friends were at the house and getting all dolled up for the event. To this day I don’t know exactly why, but Sally invited me to join them. She dressed me up in this awesome black skirt and white blouse. She fixed up my hair and maybe even put make up on me. She made me feel like the coolest kid in the world. So she and her friends took me with them to this super-cool junior high event. I don’t remember a thing about the play, but I remember knowing I was cool and that I was worth hanging out with. My sister said so.

And now we are all grown up (Okay, I am refuse to accept that I am all grown up, but she is for sure). She is an amazing mother to two fabulous kiddos. Her almost-9-year-old-daughter, Amy, is my mini-me. I attribute this to the influence Sally had on me growing up and how she has that same influence on Amy. Up to now I haven’t mentioned one important characteristic of my sister. It is one thing that makes her unlike me, my mom, or my aunt. Sally has an amazing amount of self confidence. She is doing a great job of passing that self confidence on to her daughter. Amy is bright and inquisitive, she is determined and disciplined, she is fun and outgoing, and she is bossy and sassy. She really is a mix of all the good (and some of the bad) things about all the women in our family.

Sally also has a 2-year-old son, Ethan. Unfortunately, I don’t know Ethan all that well yet (they live in Oklahoma, I live in Florida), but what I do know of him is that he is just an awesome little boy. And he is all boy! He is rambunctious and rowdy and all those boy things that scare the crap out of me. But he is also sweet and loving and kind, and loves his mama something fierce!

While I do aspire to be a mom, I am not really a kid person. Sally is hesitant to let me babysit for too long—I just don’t have the patience. But Christmas ’05, Amy got to spend the week at my mom and dad’s, and it just so happened to be the week I was spending there. We knew it would be a challenge. Amy and I are so alike that we often but heads. I did surprisingly well. And you wanna’ know the secret?

W.W.S.D.?

What Would Sally Do?

That is all I kept telling myself that week, and it got us all through without any major issues. Sally is really great about picking her battles with the kids. She is patient and kind and gentle. Those were all things I tried to be that week. Since then, the whole WWSD thing has kind of become my motto in life.

I have yet to meet a person who doesn’t at least like Sally. Most people adore her. So, I figured she had something figured out that I don’t. So, I really do try to be more like her every day. When we moved to Florida three years ago, I got a fresh start. I was somewhere where no one knew me. I could be whoever I wanted to be. So, I chose to be me—a nicer, dare I say kinder gentler, me. And WOW! It is so amazing to be a nice person. I am so thankful that I can model my behavior after my sister and see that people really respond to that. What’s even better is that now it isn’t really modeling. I am proud to say that I am not all that different from her when it comes to being friendly, positive, kind, and loving!

So real moms like you when they don’t have to. That’s an important one. I am hopeful that G and I will be able to have kids. While I will be so thankful even to have one, I so hope this old body will hold up to have two. I would be so sad for my child to not know the love and friendship that I share with my sister. That love and friendship is probably the most valuable thing in my world.

Real Mom Truths Part II

So more real mom truths… That is what this is all about, right?!

My aunt Cheryl is probably the person in our extended family whom I am most like. She is outgoing and boisterous, at times unsure of herself, always ready to go the distance, a little lot bossy, and full of fun and joy and love. As I have gotten older, I have really learned to appreciate her life experiences and her willingness to share with me some hard-learned lessons. She is the one I think of when I am fighting hard to tell that ugly little voice in my head—you know the one that says I am unlovable, unlikable, and unworthy—to shut up. She has told me time and again that I am lovable, likable and worthy. I know she means that. She knows what it is like to hear that voice.

She might not always admit it to most people, but she and I are so lucky to share that bond… The bond of battling with yourself to love yourself. I have even learned from her how to “look” like I have quieted that voice. So although she isn’t my mom, she is a mom, and this real mom teaches even the hard lessons.

She has been the one to tell me how it is, like it is. She was the one who looked me and my 14-year-old-girlfriends in the eye and said, “If your first time is in the back seat of some car, it’s gonna’ hurt and you aren’t gonna’ like it.” Period. You betcha’ that not a one of us lost that V-card in the back of some guy’s car. She taught us that we were to be respected. She showed us that men (and boys) should be expected to act toward us and speak to us in a respectful manner.

She has taught me more than just to demand respect from the men folk… She has taught me a lot about how to be a wife. She once told me, when speaking to your husband, you can talk to the king or you can talk to the fool—but you’re gonna’ get the one you talk to. I really try to remember that. Seeing as Cheryl is just as bossy as I am, we sometimes need to remember that rule.

I rely on the many life lessons she has taught me. I hope I can be an honest and frank with my children (or maybe my niece) as she has always been with me. She is brave and strong and smart. I am proud to call her my aunt and my friend.

Real Mom Truths Part I

I brainstormed about a "Real Mom Truths" post and realized I couldn't talk about real moms without talking about the 4 best real moms I know... Here is part I of the series.

I know a few truths about real moms. I, myself, am not yet a real mom, but I am so blessed to have as role models four of the strongest women this world is lucky to have. These four women have influenced each other—and me—in so many ways that define who we are as women.

So on to some real mom truths.

Real moms find a way to make it work. My grandma is the loving mother of four, grandmother to 12, great grandmother to 11. She raised kids in times that were not always easy, but she found ways to make it work. She has taught us to live our lives in Christ-like ways. When times were hard for her and her family, Grandma did things like taking in ironing and laundry to help make ends meet. She found ways to keep her kids happy and healthy. Proof of her mothering is, as they say, in the pudding… My mother and my aunt are two of the strongest, bravest, most intelligent, and most loving women I am blessed to know. They have streaks of my grandma in them—whether it’s the occasional firey temper or the tenacity and determination with which any new task must be met. These are the kinds of things my grandma has instilled in all of us.

My grandma is selfless. She devotes herself to her community—she is an advocate for the seniors of her town. She is active in her church and finds little and big ways to help those in need. She does these things simply because it is who she is.

She devoted endless hours to helping raise us grandkids, and now she does the same with her many great-grandkids. Her relationship with my niece is one to be admired. They share a closeness that will bring my niece memories and lessons for her entire life.

I, too, will have memories and lessons for my entire life. I am so lucky to have never met a stranger. My grandma taught me that every new person we encounter on this earth is simply a friend we have yet to make. I live by that mantra. Whether it is through my interactions with students or the way I behave at academic conferences or even how I act at biker events. I have friends everywhere, my grandma told me so. My grandma instilled in me a confidence (although sometimes I think of it more as a craziness) to strike up conversations with anyone I encounter. This ability has gotten me things and places in life. I am so grateful to have that skill, and it is one I hope to pass on to my children.

Art or Not?

I took a bazillion pictures while I was in Germany last summer, and the more I think about it the more proud I am of some of the pictures I took...

But what the hell do I know?

So this is where you come in. Do you think either of these photos have any artistic merit?

If you have any photography know how, did I "do it right?"

If you have no photography expertise, are either of these aestetically pleasing?

Please vote in the comments section.

I was thinking about having the first one (of the flower) blown up and put in a frame for my mom for mother's day... I know I am running late, but while I know she will like it because I took it, will it be something she should display in her house (for reasons other than those that compel mothers to put finger paintings on the fridge)?

What do you think?

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Trying

OK. I can't believe I am going to type what I am about to type. That might make it feel really really real. I am actually literally nervous to type it out because then it is something more than a casual maybe iffee we will see kind of thing.

We. Are.Trying.

To get pregnant.

I can't believe it. I have spent the last almost ten years of my life trying to avoid getting pregnant. I used to make conversations about how sex would change if it were being performed for the purpose of procreation.

You wanna' know the really bad part? It took a conversation with my mom and her telling me she is ok with it before I was totally ok with it. I know my sister would just have a hey-day with that. I know I didn't need my mother's permission, but I feel much better now that I have it.

So I have quit smoking... I don't know if you can ever actually quit smoking, but I have stopped smoking. It was a hell of a lot easier than I expected, and I think that was because it wasn't for me. It was for my someday kiddo. They are way more important than smoking. I haven't completely quit drinking, I still have a cocktail every now and again and of course I drank at the bike weekend, but I have already cut back and as we progress that will go away too. This is only the second month I have been off birth control.

G is actually on board too. I thought it would take him longer to get OK with it, but he said he is OK. Last month I was off birth control by accident, but this month was a conscious choice made by both me and G. I happen to know I am ovulating right now, but I didn't share that with G... I am afraid if I tell him that much detail it will freak him out and make it too weird. I think this should just be fun and free for him. I can do the worrying for now. If this takes too long, then he can worry about some of the details with me, but for now, he just needs to enjoy.

So, any advice?? Should I start taking prenatal vitamins? Should I take fertility vitamins? Right now is the really casual not preventing stage... How long should we be in this stage before we move to a more serious stage of actively trying to get pregnant?

Also, I want to thank you bloggers. It is through reading from other mothers who were in the process of the Ph.D. that I finally decided I wasn't crazy to want this now. I have read about other women who could do this, so I think we can do it too. Maybe I am crazy, but I figure no one is completely ready, so why wait. I am really excited.

I even went online last night to look at a fertility calendar. That felt weird to do. Any other times I have thought about fertility was for the purpose of thinking about NOT getting pregnant. I even read about tips for increasing your chances to get pregnant. At other times in my life when I read those tips I would have done everything in my power to do the exact opposite. Lie with your hips up for 20 to 30 minutes after, huh... Before I would have analyzed that and figured out how to do the exact opposite, but not any more and that is a freeing feeling.

So I might not be able to blog about this much, I am just not sure... I hope that the trying part won't last too long. I am quite possibly the most impatient person alive, so you might read a lot about me getting tired of waiting. Oh well... I really want anyone who reads this and has some advice to share it. This isn't something I foresee myself talking about with people in the real world, so my people out in the blog world will be all I have. I hope to hear from you soon!!

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Catching up

OK, I am finally back at full speed. It feels really nice to be able to stand up without getting dizzy and to be able to stay awake for more than 20 minutes at a time. I really appreciate my health so much more after a little sickness... What a shock. So, let me catch you up.

Last time I blogged I was at a conference in Chicago, the Midwest Political Science Association Annual Conference. It went really well. I presented my paper and did an OK job. I think I presented my findings in a way that showed their real-world importance while at the same time demonstrated my ability to design a worth-while research project, so that was good. As soon as I got done presenting I high-tailed it to the airport to stand by for a flight to Mom and Dad's (rather than directly home).

My mom had been really sad when she saw me at the airport on my way to Chicago and this made me really sad so I wanted to go home and see my mom. So I did. It took getting bumped off 5 flights and flying through severe weather, but I got there. At one point during the flight, the pilot came over the PA and said that they had evacuated the control tower at the airport and they had no one to communicate with... That was a little scary. But I got home, and that was NICE!

I initially thought I would just spend the night at Mom and Dad's and then fly home on Sunday, so on Saturday I went to golf with my mom... In 30 degree weather. Let me tell you, that sucked. I loved getting to spend time with my mom and all, but it was too damn cold. I didn't have a thick coat or gloves or anything and it was just nasty cold. After riding around in the cart for 9 holes, I went back to the clubhouse and played sudoku.

So then Sunday I called the hubby and asked him if he minded if I stayed a little longer. He said he didn't mind, so I stayed. It was fabulous!! Sunday we didn't do much at all and that was just fine with me. We played cards and cooked and hung out. Those are so my favorite kind of days at home.

Mom and I drove to see my aunt and my sister on Monday. My aunt has been married for almost 25 years and is getting a divorce. And a boob job. This all seems very strange to me. No one in my family gets divorced. We just don't do that. Until now. That really scares me. My aunt and uncle were a kind of role model for me and G... My aunt is an accountant while her husband works construction. I am going to be a college professor and my husband manages a restaurant. While restaurant management and construction are not exactly the same thing, I still feel like there is a big difference in the kind of work I will do and the work my husband does. Sometimes I worry that will be a problem for us. My aunt always made more money, I assume I will eventually make more money. I kind of felt like if they could make it work with all their differences then we can make it work with all our differences. And I still know we can make it work because we have a great marriage, but their story still scares me and makes me sad.

So the whole trip to see my aunt and my sister was ALL ABOUT my aunt. I understand that she has crisis going on and what not, but it was kind of a crappy trip. We shopped (which I hate to do), and shopped at a foo-foo boutique place (which I REALLY hate to do)... We talked and talked and talked about my aunt. We didn't get to catch up and talk to each other at all. My big sister has stuff going on in her life too and I think she could have used the opportunity to talk about what she has going on, but NOOOO, we had to talk all about my aunt. This bugged me. Does it show??

We drove back from the trip and Mom and I talked and talked and that was great. We talked quite a bit about me having kids. Surprisingly, my mom is on board and ready whenever I am for me to have kids. You see, I have always thought no matter when I get pregnant my mom will see this as a bad thing, but I was wrong. She is excited and thinks I am ready. I am so afraid I won't be able to get pregnant. We talked all about this and I cried and cried. I am so afraid that my disease will keep me from being able to have a baby. I am terrified that if I wait until I done with school and settled into my career, it will be too late and my body won't be able to handle it. G wants us to wait a little while, but he doesn't get it that I have a finite amount of time during which my body will still be able to handle child bearing. He thinks we can do this just whenever... We can't.

So, here is what my plan is. I am going to spend all summer getting my body really healthy. I am going to lose weight. I am going to quit smoking. I am going to cut back on caffeine. I am going to get my diabetes under control. I am going to do all of this in an effort to demonstrate to G just how serious I am about this. He might come around. If he doesn't, what can it hurt for me to get healthy? I will just have my body healthy longer before I get pregnant, and that isn't at all a bad thing... I will keep you posted as to how all that is going...

So then I spent one more day with Mom and Dad and then I came home. I came home and got sick... I am not sure if the sickness was caused by the airplanes or the cold weather or the lack of sleep or what, but WOW what a cold/flu thing. I won't go into details other than that I had a fever and body aches. I have never before had body aches. Those suck.

Now I am all better and back in the swing of things. We are going to Leesburg this weekend for a bike fest, and that will be fun. We are going with our "friends" so we will see how that goes. I am going to try to do a Thursday Thirteen tomorrow. I hope I haven't lost the few readers I had gained with my little disappearing act!! If I lost you, please come back! I will try really hard to be consistent. My goal is still to post every Monday through Thursday. I am back in action now!!

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Sammie the wonder dog

I realized I have not written about my lovely little dog yet. A while back I showed a picture of a dog I was thinking about adopting, but we didn't get that dog. Instead we got our fabulous Sammie.

He is a super wonder mutt and I just love him to pieces. We got him in December, and I think he has really grown to love us. We sure have grown to love him. He has put on a bit of weight since this pic was taken (this was when we were bringing him home for the first time).

He loves to snuggle his way under the covers and get as close to you as possible. In the picture below, he had crawled under the pillow inside the pillow case... I had gone upstairs to get ready and when I came down he was missing. This frequently happens, and I usually find him under the comforter I keep on the couch. When I picked up the blankets and didn't find him, I was a little puzzled. I went to move the pillow, but it was heavy... And I found him!

He really is the sweetest thing, He loves to climb in my lap and lick all over my face (which really grosses me out, but I can't usually stop him). He has a little bit of an attitude in that he chooses when to be obedient. We also suspect he was the victim of dog-violence. We think his first owners beat him and then let him run away... He was a stray in Miami and we also think he got hit by a car because he has some damage to his rear left leg. He sometimes hops on three legs, but I think he does that more for attention than anything else.

He is a fabulous dog and I am devoting today's blog to him because I love him and because I have put him through vet hell lately. I took him in on Friday to get boosters. We also found out from the vet that he is probably 5 or 6 years old, but the lady from whom we adopted him told us he was 3... Oh well, not like his age really matters, it was just strange that she would be wrong on that... Then today I took him back to the vet for a teeth cleaning. Wow I am sure he hated that! He couldn't have food after 8 p.m. last night, then I had to wake him up at 7 a.m. to take him in. I left the poor pooch there all day to be tortured (in his mind)...

So I picked him back up and have him snuggled next to me on the couch. He can stay that way all night!

We love you Sammie Dog!

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